Jesus: With you Always

If you've never been to the Jesus: With you always site you should check it out.

Thoughts

- green olives really are the poor mans black olives. Seriously!

- 2 of the greatest 1980's punk records ever are Operation Ivy: Energy & Hectic and Minor Threat: Complete Discography. Both are each bands complete discography. LEGENDARY!

- Rosemary is an interesting herb, I haven't really decided if I love it or not, it works on some things but I just had it on a foccacia pizza type thing and I'm not sure.

- I saw an episode to Iron Chef America the other day and the secret ingredient was bison. Several times it was referred to as having a "gamey" taste to it. I don't really know what "gamey" meat tastes like but I find the whole concept hilarious.

- "Date Movie" is insulting to the human race and I'll even go as far as to say that it (and things like it) make us devolve as a society. (When I say its insulting to the human race I don't mean its insulting in the way that "Wonder Showzen" is subversive yet clever, and hilarious.)

-The other day I ordered a decaf coffee and the girl gave me a regular coffee (I saw her pour it from the regular pot, I don't think they had any decaf brewed) She knew she gave me regular and I knew she gave me regular but I don't think she knew I knew. So anyway I went back a few days later and ordered another decaf from the same girl and looked her straight in the eye and said make sure its decaf, I have a heart condition and I just got out of the hospital... again. The look on her face was priceless.

-You know you can't get Count Chocula here anymore, the least healthy shit you can get is Lucky Charms and that's hardly even that bad. When I was a kid they had that cereal that was just mini chocolate cookies... Cookie Crisp I think.

Who is Mr. Cool Ice?

In my last post I posted a link to a video of the mysterious Mr. Cool Ice with a plea to anyone who spoke German to translate it. A big thanks goes out to Erik who took the time to watch the video and shed some light on the situation.

His hometown is Mainz, he is 33 years old and has gone by Mr. Cool Ice for the last 13 years. He basically states that's just who he is period.


They do a tour of his apartment and we discover that he is a clean freak. Everything has to be spotless and in the right place.



The 2 girls on the talk show are basically making an ass out of him and a direct translation from the girl sitting closest to him is "You look like Shit".

He has spent over 4,000 euro's to get his tattoos which is about 6, 000 USD.

Well there you have it a little light into the world of Mr. Cool Ice. If anyone has any more info keep it coming

I should also point out for those of you who haven't seen the video that "Ice Ice Baby" plays throughout and its likely that that is where he got his name from.

Mr. Cool Ice

I'm sure by now everyone has seen Mr. Cool Ice, whom I first posted in the Really Bad Tattoos part 3 entry. Well someone sent me a link to a Video of him!!!

I'm not positive but I think its German (I took German once in high school and failed miserably but got to miss a day of class to go to Oktoberfest and eat sausages and struesel and listen to a live polka band (definitely worth it))

The video is about 10 mins long and I couldn't understand a single thing yet I had to watch the whole thing in hopes of finding out some clues as to how and why this dude became Mr. Cool Ice.

If someone who speaks German could watch the vid and email me the translation (or at least the gist of what's going on) That would be amazing. I will post an update to fill everyone in.

no loss for words

Check out this excerpt from a conversation between Michael and Eko from the last episode of Lost.

Michael: I hear you're a priest
Eko: yes
Michael: I guess you believe in hell then
Eko: For a brief time I served in a small parish in England, and Every Sunday after mass I would see a young boy waiting at the back of the church. Then one day the boy confessed to me that he had beaten his dog to death with a shovel, he said that the dog had bitten his baby sister on the cheek and he needed to protect her and he wanted to know whether he would go to hell for this. I told him that God would understand, that he would be forgiven as long as he was sorry, but the boy did not care about forgiveness, he was only afraid that if he did go to hell that dog would be there waiting for him.

end of scene.

How fucking awesome is that. I'm definitely going to start talking like that, just answering questions with hard hitting, moral cautionary tales that are completely suited and relevant for the occasion. Seriously though why do we accept things in TV and the movies that are so far from reality, No one talks like that in real life. I wish they did though. No more small talk no more bullshit, everything that is said has an explicit purpose and is chock full of symbolism and foreshadowing. How strange would that be?

a sandwich to rule them all!

I've been posting a lot about food lately but after I made this sandwich I had to take a picture of it and share it with the world. Why? Because its a fucking work of art. Michelangelo never made a fucking sandwich like this (well he may have, but I imagine when he packed his lunch each day and went off to paint the Sistine chapel it was a lot less elaborate).

Here's what its got from the bottom up:
mustard
smoked turkey
melted 5 year old cheddar
sauteed red peppers
sauteed green peppers
sauteed portabella mushrooms
English cucumber
hot house tomatoes
romaine lettuce
mayonnaise
on toasted ciabatta loaf

fuck yeah.

actually it was only an average sandwich.

50 Year Old Food!

So I picked up a few mini cookbooks the other day. They were all published in the fifties. Oh what a glorious era. Here are a few pics.

I don't know what this really is but would you really want to eat something that looks like that?

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I think the reason that souffle's have lost popularity is because this is what they are supposed to look like when you cook it right.

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I have to admit that these look pretty good. These are the kind of treats that are made exclusively by old ladies and found only at church bake sales. Mainly because you couldn't find a single one of the ingredients in a modern day supermarket. They're probably packed with all sorts of archaic fats and shortening that you can only find in Grandma's 50 year old pantry.

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This is some sort of an egg dish, you can tell by the cock on the table. Also it seems like this dish is to be served with a goblet of blood.

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This cake is not made for mortals. I mean look at it, its furry and practically glows. I bet this is the kind of cake God has on his birthday.

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Look at that luncheon spread. Lets face it, lunch isn't lunch without 5 different types of processed meat. I would also like to point out that it looks like these were they days before pimento loaf had macaroni and cheese and peppers and all the other stuff added.... Just green olives... We really have come a long way as a society

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"You know you're not having dessert until you finish you're giant hunk of meat."

50 Year Old Food! Part 2

SWINGLES!!!

If you were like me as a kid on Halloween night after Trick or Treating you would sit down to a gluttonous feast from your sack of candy and you may or may not have stumbled onto the unmistakable taste of eating a bag of plain potato chips after a chocolate bar. Well its a taste I have never forgotten so to continue in the tradition of that unholy marriage of chocolate and potato chips I present to you Swoops + Pringles = SWINGLES!!!

Here they are, looking so innocent and unaware of their bizarre and twisted fate.

Since the Swoops are quite a bit thicker than the Pringles I decided to use 2 parts Pringle for every 1 part Swoop, I also decided to try 2 different versions: the Pringle wrapped Swoop and vice versa. I decided to first try the Pringle wrapped Swoop (right hand side).

Hmmm, it was alright. Need to cleanse the palette with a bit of Coke, now onto the Swoop wrapped Pringle.

The Pringle Wrapped Swoop was definitely the better of the two, but would it be improved with a little peanut butter?

No not really. and after eating just 3 of these concoctions I realized that just because Swoops are the same shape as pringles doesn't necessarily mean they should be put together, I also realize that just because something seemed like it was a good idea when I was 7 years old doesn't necessarily mean it's still a good idea when I'm 27.

Million Dollar Dreams

The other day I was at a convenience store and was standing in line. The woman in front of me was taking a really really long time. I noticed that she was buying only lottery tickets, stacks of scratch tickets and a bunch of the "draw" tickets which have to go through that machine so it takes forever. I hate to judge a book by its cover, but this woman was how do I say it.... a future Springer guest. Anyway she finally gets all the lottery tickets and the cashier rings it up and the total is $120. A HUNDRED AND FUCKING TWENTY DOLLARS!!!!! Now that's just lottery tickets, she wasn't buying any Cheetos, Mountain Dew, Twinkies or any of the other things that her clothes were stained with. She says to the cashier something to the effect "I hope I'm lucky this week". I was pretty annoyed from having to wait for 5 minutes so as she turned around to leave This convo played out...

Me: Do you spend that much on lottery tickets each week?
Her : About a hundred dollars.
Me: Are you fucking serious?
Her: Yeah, so?
Me: Do you know the odds of winning those "draw" lotteries?
Her: No
Me: About 1 in 14 million
Her: blank stare
Me: That's like someone saying to you I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 14, 000, 000 what is it? The chances of it being 25 are the same as it being 13,587,602 or 742,004.
Her: blank stare
Me: Seriously, $100 a week is $5200 a year, if you invested that amount of money each week you would have a nice chunk down the line.
Her: attention seems to have veered off to the shelf of doritos
Me: Forget it
Her: Do you wanna go to Dairy Queen?
Me: ok

So we ate oreo and gummy bear blizzards (her choice) as I explained compound interest and she explained the genius of Larry the cable guy.

In the land of the deaf the one eared man is king (but I live in a world of sound)

This is post #111.
I decided to change up the layout a bit.

My brother let me in on this interesting tidbit:
Yesterday at 123 seconds after 1:00 it was 01:02:03 04/05/06

So for the last 2 days I have been deaf in my left ear, I think I have some sort of infection because it is painful and spending about an hour yesterday flushing my ear out with an ear syringe did absolutely nothing except make me more frustrated.

Losing 50% of your hearing is more like losing 75% because you lose the whole "stereo field". It's really something you take for granted. I think it's the same as if you were to lose sight out of one eye you also lose depth perception which probably also seems like more than 50%.