Tiger in pictures

Over the holidays (on Christmas day to be exact) My families cat "Tiger" died. He was between 12 and 15 (we arent exactly sure). He was a good cat so I dug up a few photos.

a couple of norms and a couple of double exposures.

Worst Candy Bars Ever

I just saw "The Chronicles of Narnia" and when the one kid first meets the Ice queen she says she can make him anything in the world he wants to eat. For some bizarre reason he chooses a big plate of turkish delight. That vile red tastebud poison that fills a Big Turk bar.


Lets face it a Sweet Marie bar is nothing more than the poor mans Oh Henry bar.


Bounty is truly one of the worst. It has spawned my hatred for coconut.


I bought a burnt almond on a whim because it was the only bar in the cadbury line that I hadn't tried. I was truly disappointed. I should have expected a bar with the word "burnt" in the title to be terrible.


This piece of crap doesn't even have chocolate in it. Molasses and peanuts. Its the candy bar that looks the same pre and post digestion.


I've actually never had one of these but personally I wont eat something with a name like that.

Baywatch Memories

Found this pic on awfulplasticsurgery.com. Remember that kid who played Hasselhoff's son Hobie on Batwatch? Well this is him now. I find it strange that he's only 25 yet he looks like a washed up 45 year old european pop star.

When bodies become weather

I've been neglecting writing and updating this site. This is not a conscious decision but for some reason the winter leaves me uninspired. I suppose being surrounded by death doesn't help.

The plants are dead, there are no animals in sight and the snow absorbs a lot of sound, so even sound seems to die a little.

The snow really does make me think about mortality. All that snow out there was once (part of) a person. Humans are made up of about 60% water. Science teaches us that matter cannot be created or destroyed so all that water has been on this earth (in one form or another) since the beginning of time. I doubt that any water on the planet hasn't been through at least one person. I feel the same way when I see a skeleton on display somewhere. Its strange to think that that was once a person who lived a life and did day to day things and probably had an equally complex human experience as anyone living now.

Its not that death really scares me or anything. I guess being surrounded by snow just makes me think that one day this vessel of mine will also be lying in a pile outdoors as the object of many peoples contempt.

Redneck Recipes

I truly want to start a website devoted to the most diabolically unhealthy and trashy recipes known to man. Don't get me wrong I like quality food. I worked for several years in the food industry and made my fair share of fancy shit. But I've always been intrigued by the dark side of food. I don't even necessarily want to eat it I just like coming up with the ideas. You may remember my idea for KFP or Kentucky Fried Pizza. Well here are some others.


shepherds Pie Mark II or Poutine Extreme
This one is fairly simple you make up the mix for shepherds pie (which is basically ground beef, onions, corn, carrots etc.) but instead of topping it with mashed potatoes you top it with French fries (which have been deep fried first) then top with cheese and gravy.


Wendy's Triple Burger Cubed Plus One or the Beef Highrise
With 4200 calories, 190 g of fat, 9000 mg of sodium this burger is sure to become a favorite. You actually don't have to wait until it is released you can build your own by buying 10 classic singles. (throw all of the veg except for 1 serving but save the mayo).


Subway's All Monsters Attack Sub or Pig vs. Cow vs. Chicken vs. Turkey vs. Fish vs. Crab vs. Lobster vs. Octopus vs. Your bowels
In some places you can just ask for the all monsters attack sub but some places are out of the loop so you may have to explain. Cold cut combo asst. meat, turkey, ham, bacon, chicken, steak on white with double cheese and mayo plus whatever sauces you fancy the whole sub is then rolled up in a wrap with tuna and seafood salad in between.






Hot Dog wrapped in Cinnamon Bun
Do yourself a favor and get a package of Pillsbury cinnamon buns and package of hotdogs and make up these treats. Is it dinner? Is it dessert? Is it delicious? The answer to all three is up to you














Kraft Dinner
Instructions on box.











more to come...

tags: food,recipes, redneck,

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Wizard of Oz What Character are You?

Somewhat related to my last entry, this is also about stuff in movies that is beneath the surface. I met someone quite a while ago who had a theory that everyone on earth's personality is represented by a character from the Wizard of Oz.

Its really quite simple.
If you are a male you are either:
The Cowardly lion (you need courage ie you're a pussy)
The Scarecrow (you need a brain ie you're an idiot)
The Tin Man (you need a heart ie your are a cruel asshole)
Toto (you blindly follow around a woman ie you need your own personality)

If you are a female you are either:
Dorothy (you are naive and lost)
The Wicked Witch (You are a cruel and heartless bitch)
The Good Witch (You are pretty much perfect)

The Wizard represents any authority figure and that they are basically just phonies hiding behind smoke and mirrors. The munchkins don't come into the equation.

An over simplification? Possibly but its definitely something to think about.

tags: movies, wizard of oz, ideas,

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Fraught with Racism and offensive content)

I just watched Charlie and the Chocolate factory and I noticed some things that I certainly don't remember from the 1970s version. I have never read the book so I don't how much of this stuff is actually in it. I should add that this write up is filled with spoilers.

Lets start with a few little things.

Early on in the film a story is told about how Willy Wonka goes to India to build a palace made completely out of Chocolate for an Indian Prince. Well it gets really hot and the palace starts to melt and the first drop of melted chocolate lands directly on the Indians forehead. I think the stereotype implications are clear.

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After the golden ticket contest is announced. We are shown frenzied scenes from all over the globe. The most poignant is a market in Marrakesh Morocco where people are exchanging live animals for chocolate bars. They do use money in Morocco.

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This one isn't race related but in my opinion walking a controversial line. The fourth winner of a golden ticket is Mike Teavee. Now look at this kid he is angry, playing violent video games, yelling at the TV ,wearing camo pants and a shirt with a skull and a bloody bullet hole on it. Out of all the places in the world the chose Denver Colorado to be this kids home. Denver is right next to Columbine where of course the infamous school shootings took place.

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Now we get to the big issues of the whole movie. The Chocolate Factory.
Charlies Grandfather used to work at the chocolate factory before Wonka "closed" it. Did he get a pension? No he sleeps in a bed with 3 other people and lives in a house that has 7 people in it that is dilapidated beyond all belief.

But Wonka didn't really close the factory he just needed to find cheaper labor.
When the "Oompa Loompas" are first spotted in the factory. Wonka says that they are from Oompa land. Mike's Father says "there's no such place I'm a geography teacher". Wonka quickly snaps "then you'll know all about it and what a horrible place it is". Wonka tries to gloss over the fact that he invented the whole "Oompa Loompa" story and has uprooted these people from their homeland (claiming it was for their own good isn't that a common trait of slave drivers.)

Wonka claims that the "Oompas" will do anything for Cocoa beans (its all they want). So he gets them to live in his factory and pays them in cocoa beans. It is mentioned early on by Charlie's grandmother that no one is ever seen leaving the factory which by the way is surrounded by enormous iron gates.

By all indications the so called "Oompa Loompa's" are in fact African Pygmies. The term pygmy (from Greek pygmaios, "fist sized", a kind of dwarf in Greek mythology) can refer to any human or animal of unusually small size. This is evident by their small size and the fact that Wonka says he found them in the thick Jungle.

Additionally it is clear that Wonka doesn't even regard them as real people. After he is done explaining that the "Oompa Loompas" do all the work in the factory he catches the fat kid eating out of the river of chocolate and says "Hey little boy my chocolate must be untouched by human hands". Well we know that the factory workers must handle the chocolate. He's basically saying they aren't human. Also from the film making stand point making all of the "Oompa Loompa's" look exactly the same is in effect an attempt to dehumanize them by basically saying that they don't have individual identities and are nothing more than animals.

This shot of the slave ship is also very telling. It makes me wonder if the term "chocolate factory" refers to what the factory produces or the colour of the workers skin.

One last thing to add. They say that the golden tickets are hidden in countries all over the world yet the five winning kids all happen to be white.

tags: movies,racism, film,

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Why Coke is better than Pepsi (The same reason that the Ramones are better than modern day punk)

To many the following will seem completely trivial and pointless, but this is the kind of shit that fills my brain. These are the kinds of thoughts that are a product of a media soaked lifestyle. Some people probably couldn't care less about the difference between Coke and Pepsi. I on the other hand have always cared about these minor details. Complacency has never been an option. I'm sure that there are also people out there who couldn't care less about the difference between The Beatles and the Rolling Stones or 50 cent and Run DMC but to people who care to look into it the differences are huge. I should add that when I go into a restaurant and order a Coke and they say is Pepsi alright I will never never say yes. I will invariably order something else.

Coca Cola and the Ramones burst onto the scene in much the same vain, they were fresh, original, exciting,and filled with cocaine. In time both cleaned up their ways but still maintained their hard and energy fueled edge. They were originators
in their respective fields and by all accounts perfected the recipe in which they set to create.

over the next few years both Coca Cola and the Ramones secured their position around the world as more than just an American brand/band but as true Icons of American culture. During their career the Ramones were much more popular outside of North
America than they were in their homeland. Coca Cola became the most recognizable and known brand on planet earth. Why was this? People from all different countries and cultures flocked to them to experience just a little bit of the American way. If for only in a small way it connected them with American culture. But why else? Well they offered a good product.

As with all good things they are imitated (but never duplicated). For Coke there was Pepsi and for the Ramones there is today's modern day mainstream punk rock* .What do these followers have in common? They are both sugary sweet renditions of the originals (also losing the edge), they have obviously tried to lift the iconography of the originals, and they cater themselves directly to the youth (or feeling youthful) market.

Too sugary sweet:
The bottom line is Pepsi is nothing more than a third rate Coke clone (2nd rate would be RC cola) it tastes horrible, its as if they said lets make something like coke but with 3 times the sugar. To me it honestly tastes no better than the generic brand of cola any and every supermarket produces. As for losing its edge Pepsi has never even had and edge. There is something compelling about drinking a soft drink that was once laced with an illicit substance. Even though it has long since been removed we still know that Coke was once "slumming it" for real. In a three legged cauldron no less.

Modern day punk rock is the same way. It is a candy coated, sugar filled version of what punk rock is supposed to be. Sure the Ramones played punk music that was poppy but they certainly didn't play pop music that was punky. There IS a difference. The difference is in terms of motivation . Modern punk has no edge. The Ramones weren't just writing songs about Forest Hills Queens, Sniffing Glue and shooting heroin. They were living it. Suburban kids certainly don't know what it's like living in the city or what it's like carrying a $50 mosrite in a shopping bag on the subway to rehearsal. You simply don't have the same motivations if you drive to band practice in your parents SUV with your brand new Les Paul in the back.

Attempted Iconography:
It is fairly easy to see that Pepsi recognized and tried to bolster Cokes status as an American Icon. You really need to look no further than the fact that Pepsi chose Red White and Blue as their packaging choice. The problem is they missed the point you cant just slap the colors of the flag on your product and expect to be viewed as something.

Modern day punk in the same way slaps on all the punk rock packaging yet they forgot one important detail. The clothes don't make the music and beneath it all there needs to be some substance. Modern punk really represents nothing. The Ramones stood for something (even if they weren't overtly political). If nothing else they were honest and real and even without a political agenda that IS something. They weren't listening to punk records. They were defining the genre.

Focus on youth culture:
Pepsi's Marketing tactic has always been clear. Sell to the youth. Just look at their slogans throughout history (The choice of a new generation, Be Young, Have fun, Drink Pepsi, Generation Next etc) It is easy to sell your product if you focus entirely on youth because for the most part your market is naive and doesn't have a refined palette (which is good if your product tastes like shit). Pepsi has always tried to sell an idea rather than a product. If you are selling to the youth it is an easy market to manipulate. Young children don't understand the concept of advertising and think that commercials are public service announcements and tweens-teens are heavily influenced by peer pressure. And once they have these ideas firmly planted in peoples minds years down the road they can re-sell them on the product claiming it will make them feel young again. Clever marketing yes. Evidence of a good product NO.

Modern Day Punk. I hardly find it necessary to go into the details of how this genre is marketed to the youth because it is so clearly evident. It is marketed the exact same way that Pepsi is. The difference with the Ramones is that yes they appealed to the youth but they also appealed to music fans as well. This is very important and shows the mark of a good band. (you may be saying hey why cant the youth be music fans? I am referring to people who are fans of any and all genres of music and not just "fad fans". To be a music fan you have to be open minded to the whole spectrum of music. If you are the type of person who says "I only listen to punk rock" Then you most likely aren't a fan of music. You are just probably trying to fit into one specific sub-culture. This has nothing to do with being a true fan of music. (I say "probably" and "most likely" only because there is a minimal chance that someone out there has been truly open minded to every genre of music known to man but by some freak occurrence they only like one specific type))

In closing I should say that these sugar coated imitators aren't all bad we can at least give them credit for reminding us just how good the originals really are by comparison.

*yes there are punk bands of today that are making real, honest and exciting music but I am focusing on the one's who have floated to the top, the one's on the radio and in the magazines Mostly the bands who have co-opted the punk rock image and or ideals such as Good Charlotte, New found Glory, Sum 41 and Avril Lavine etc.

tags: music, punk rock,ideas,

The good, the bad and the ugly or The legend, the bullshit and the aliens

The Good: Walk The Line
Last night I saw Walk the line the bio pic about Johnny Cash (and June Carter). The movie was great Phoenix and Witherspoon were completely believable in their roles and disbelief was indeed suspended. I think it undeniable that they will be up for oscars. There's no need for me to go on about it, you've heard the hype.

The Bad: The Postman
After getting home from the theatre I turned on the TV and for some reason I stayed up until 4am and watched Kevin Costner's Trainwreck The Postman. Holy shit this movie was so incredibly pointless, unbelievable and insincere and to make matters worse it was about 9 hours long (give or take 6 hours). I shouldn't have even kept watching it but once you get locked into something for an hour you figure hey how much longer could it be? I might as well see what happens. What the Fuck. Just when I thought the movie couldn't get any worse Tom Petty shows up (PLAYING HIMSELF!!!). This movie is set in the future by the way but that didn't make it suck any less. If the movie Battlefield earth mated with the movie Rollerball** their child would be the Postman (and I think even they would give it up for adoption).

The Ugly: Fire in the sky
I just finished watching this one on TV. I should preface this by saying I saw this movie in the theatre when I was 14 and it was the only movie to ever truly scare the fucking hell out of me. I watched horror movies all through my junior high years and was not scared in the least by any of them. Fire in the sky is the only movie that made me sleep with the light on in my room for a week after watching it. I was terrified of being abducted by aliens. I should however note that while watching that movie in the theater a guy showed up about a half hour late and sat directly in front of me and proceeded to put a little white plastic baggie over his face and huffed glue for the remainder of the film. All I could smell for the rest of the showing was fumes so my feeble 14 year old brain may have been half in the bag thus adding to the intensity of the movie (at this age I had never touched a drug or a drop of alcohol, I believed the health class propaganda and had decided firmly in my mind that I was never going to touch an illicit substance. (that only lasted a little while longer)) So I watched it again tonite and I guess I wont really know the effect until I try to go to sleep, but I don't think its going to be an issue because nowadays I know the sting of the electric bill and there's no way in hell I'm leaving a light on all nite.

** Those of you who are extraordinarily attentive may have noticed that "Battlefield Earth" was written by L. Ron Hubbard the creator of scientology and "Rollerball" stars the box office poison Chris Klein who used to be engaged to Katie Holmes before she was swept away by Scientology poster boy Tom Cruise. This pseudo connection is purely coincidental.

tags:movies, film, entertainment

Dropping out like the first winter snow.

Well today was the first snow. It makes me think back to the beginning of summer. Being the ultra pessimist that I am whenever its the beginning of summer I just think of how it will be over before I know it and low and behold here I am staring down the barrel of winter and summer has come and gone.

Of course the older I get the quicker time passes, the time since the start of summer has happened so quickly. I saw a show on Discovery quite a while ago that had done a lot of research into age and the perception of the passage of time....

You know when you're a kid and time seems to pass so slowly ( I remember probably my first year of school, the summer seemed so long that I thought that you went to school for a year and then you had another year off). Anyway in the study they found that this is in fact true and that the younger we are the longer we perceive time (that's why kids have such short attention spans and get bored so easily). The study didn't really offer any reasons as to why it is this way but here's the scary part. Our mental middle age is 20 years old. Meaning that from age 0 - 20 will mentally seem like the same amount of time as age 21 - 80. I don't think anyone can deny that after they leave high school time seems to pass much more quickly. I cant imagine what it would be like being 70 something. By this study a year would pass as quickly as a childhood day (or even hour).

tags: winter, science,

Breakfast in the future

One thing I often like to think about after watching a movie is what else has or will happen(ed) to the characters. By watching a movie we accept the reality of the characters being presented to us. By this token I believe that we must also accept that these characters continue to live after the end of the film. In many cases we only see a small slice of their existence or a chapter of their lives but obviously there is a lot more going on than just that.

The Breakfast club was on TV a few days ago and it got me wondering. Did John Bender become a fuck up (more so) in 5 years like the principal had predicted. The Breakfast club is the perfect example of my theory because it shows all the characters for only 1 day of their lives. Since none of the characters die in the film we must assume that they all go on with their lives in a virtually endless amount of possibilities. Virtually endless because we naturally place certain controls on the way the story would progress based on the amount of information given to us in the hour and something on screen (of course all of this applies to the pre story as well. But in that case we do find out information of what has happened and we (rarely) see the future).

This is probably why in 99.9% of the cases a sequel or prequel will never stack up to the original. A part of human nature is to tie up loose ends and have things left in a neat little package so even if it occurs subconsciously we create our own satellite stories to the films we watch (maybe that's what makes a good film good, it engages us and lets us become a part of the process). So when someone comes along and creates a sequel it crushes any and all of what we may or may not have created in the dark regions of our brains. This doesn't apply to trilogies or stories that are meant to span over several films.

You may be thinking I'm crazy and that a movie is just a movie and it begins and ends there but whatever.

tags:movies, films, entertainment

Really Bad Tattoos Part 2

What the hell is that supposed to be? A groundhog?

This is the reason you see some people with their shirts buttoned all the way up to the top button

Why the hell is that dolphin asleep on the sun?

As you can see this tattoo was well worth the pain it would have been getting a tattoo on the fucking palm.


Candy tattoos? Really? Do you really like that shit enough to commit it to yr body for life?

Remember that mediocre movie "The Crow" from like 10 fucking years ago? Well this guy does and he wont forget about it until he dies.

Is that supposed to be Mickey Rourke?

Not Funny! Simply NOT FUNNY!

No Comment.

What's that old expression again? You catch more fish with fire than you do with vinegar? Something like that.

Do you work in a lighthouse? Or do you just like them a lot?

This is about as annoying to look at as getting a mosquito bite so I guess it makes sense.

Did Jeep pay you to advertise for them or are you just an idiot?

you can never have enough tattoos directly on your head. Especially when they're hilarious.

This joke will never get old.

How cute you let your 13 year old design a tattoo for you.

the picture speaks more than words.


Check out:
Really Bad Tattoos Part 1
REally Bad Tattoos Part 3
Really Bad Tattoos Part 4
Really Bad Tattoos Part 5
Really Bad Tattoos Part 6
Really Bad Tattoos Part 7
Really Bad Tattoos Part 8

tags: tattoos, art, misc,

Tarnation by: Jonathan Caouette

Part documentary, part narrative fiction, part home movie, and part acid trip. A psychedelic whirlwind of snapshots, Super-8 home movies, old answering machine messages, video diaries, early short films, snippets of '80s pop culture, and dramatic reenactments to create an epic portrait of an American family travesty. The story begins in 2003 when Jonathan learns that his schizophrenic mother, Renee, has overdosed on her lithium medication. He is catapulted back into his real and horrifying family legacy of rape, abandonment, promiscuity, drug addiction, child abuse, and psychosis. As he grows up on camera, he finds the escapist balm of musical theater and B horror flicks and reconnects to life through a queer chosen family. Then a look into the future shows Jonathan as he confronts the symbiotic and almost unbearable love he shares with his beautiful and tragically damaged mother.

The film is both tragic and compelling at the same time. As we see Jonathan grow up we also see his mother deteriorate due to mental illness. In the field of documentaries I think Caoette has brought a fresh vision to the table with the mix of psychedelic elements and pop culture tidbits. Also the soundtrack is great and fits the visual elements perfectly. I recommend this film if for nothing else to get an in depth look at an American family that is not considered A-Typical.

tags: film, documentary, mental illness,

5 shitty sitcoms that begin with the letter M

Now I realize that criticizing sitcoms is redundant. 99.9% (Seinfeld probably being the only exception to the rule) of them are total crap, relying on the lowest common denominator of comedy all intertwined with a nauseating laugh track.

Major Dad
I have long been of the belief that Major Dad is one of the worst sitcoms of all time. The less said about it the better.
















Mama's Family
When I was a kid I remember that there was a half hour after school where nothing good was on. The only show I remember being on during that void was the torturous Mama's Family. What a fucking abomination. I would rather watch that sitcom where the family has a daughter who's a robot.**






Mr. Belvedere
or as anyone who was in it calls it "acting career poison" was a painful spectacle where a fat imperious British housekeeper moves in with a family for... who the hell cares why. If it had turned out to be true that the kid from this show was Marilyn Manson that would have been the best thing about it. But that's like saying "The best thing about regaining consciousness in a ditch after getting hit in head with a shovel and having your wallet stolen is the fact that you're getting some fresh air from being outside."

Murphy Brown
For some reason this show was popular and was on for like 10 years. That's 10 years that the broadcast world will never get back. It disturbs me that these broadcasts are still floating through space somewhere, one day to be picked up by an alien race who will surely plot the earth's destruction for producing such tripe.



My Two Dads
Most people don't remember this one. Here is the premise. 13 years in the past 2 guys were dating the same woman. They reunite in the present at the reading of the woman's will to find out that they are both to share custody of a 12 year old girl because she didn't know who the real father was. The one guy (unfortunately played by Paul Reiser) is the uptight guy and the other guy is the artistic free spirit type. They all move in together. This is one of those bullshit premises that would never fly in today's age of DNA tests and it probably shouldn't have flown late 80's either.

** In case you're trying to remember the show where they had the robot daughter was called "Small Wonder".

tags:TV, Sitcoms, entertainment,