Ask Dr. Bright part 1

Dr. Bright answers the burning questions that the world is asking. Using Google's "predictive search string" feature I have gathered the most commonly searched questions following the query "Why do I a...."

1-4: Well you seem to have yourself in quite a predicament here. Its what we call a vicious cycle.  The problem is that you are a food addict.  You always feel hungry because you cannot satisfy your addiction so you get yourself into a pattern of over eating which ultimately leaves you tired bloated and nauseous.  My advice to you is start smoking, it will cure all the above ailments despite a few side effects of its own.  I can prepare you a prescription.

Modern Rock Radio Review

When I was 13 or 14 I listened to Modern Rock / New Rock / Alt. Rock radio before I moved on to other things.  I decided to revisit the station of my youth and hear what it is they're playing these days.  I got an old cassette style walkman and went for a walk around the city.

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MIA - Paper Planes:  I actually like this song (it may be the "Straight to Hell" sample).  It's surprising because I really really disliked her first album.  That "Bucky Done Gun" shit is unlistenable nonsense.

She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart: I've never heard of these guys but they are totally ripping of Bauhaus (or possibly ripping of Interpol who are ripping off Bauhaus) It's enough for me to not hate them at this moment (long story about darkness).  It's like listening to a Bauhaus cover band.

Stone Temple Pilots - Plush:  I think Scott Weiland was the first person to rip off that Eddie Veddar "yarling" vocal style and because he actually got away with it (the song was a hit) it opened the door to countless jackasses' doing the same banal bullshit.  Thanks a lot dickhead.

The Salads - Get Loose:  It's garbage day in whatever neighbourhood I'm walking through at the moment and the warm weather has filled the air with the putrid stench of rotting trash.  At this point I honestly can't tell which is more nauseating, the smell of decaying food or the sound of the salads.

Oasis - Wonderwall: When these guys were big this was the only one of their songs that I sort of liked / could tolerate.  Hearing it again I wonder how bad the rest of their stuff would sound now.  Holy Shit!



I've decided to stop in a park for a bit to listen to more of this dreck.  Sitting at another bench there is a fat guy with his shirt off who's been rubbing his body for the past 10 minutes (he isn't "science fiction" fat but definitely quite large).  I don't think he's putting on sunscreen or anything he's just caressing himself.

The Offspring - You're gonna go far, kid:  The fat guy finally put his shirt back on and has started to leave the park.  He is walking past me and the radio station has drifted slightly out of tune wrapping the song in a blanket of white noise, making it barely recognizable.  This is easily the most interesting the Offspring has ever sounded.

Pearl Jam - Even Flow:  When I was 14 I had a Pearl Jam t-shirt and on the back was a picture of a rhino and it said music for rhinos.  I didn't get it then and I don't get it now and I bet whoever designed the shirt didn't get it either.  If the band had anything to do with that shirt then I like them less.

LCD Soundsystem - Daft Punk is playing at my house:  Sounds like a song from and ipod commercial (it may be I don't remember / care).  It's ok I guess.  These guys have better tunes (but not much better).

As I lay Dying - I never wanted (remix):  Apparently these guys are a Christian metal band.  When I was in high school a guy in my art class was trying to defend Christian rock saying "It's just the same as the music you listen to it just has different lyrics".  I guess that would be true if I listened to boring shitty music.

Audioslave - Be Yourself:  How do I explain this band? Ok... If Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden were a load of laundry and you washed away any / every little bit of them that may have been interesting / original and then put that load in the dryer and dried away any iota of social / political relevance at the end of it all audioslave would be what you'd find in the lint filter.

Franz Ferdinand - No you girls: Forget it...





I can't take this anymore.  Everything is so fucking mediocre.  If the barometer for good art is its ability to produce an emotional response then this shit fails miserably.  It's sonic novacaine.  You know the sound of a band that's given up? Well imagine the sound of a band that never even tried thats given up.  Well they've devoted an entire God damn station to that sound.  Is autopilot a genre of music?

types are getting brighter

Type Brighter is back at this address.  Yeah its been a long time but a lot of new things are in the works.  You can follow on Twitter and Facebook with the links on the top right of this page.