Poor Mans Actor part 3

 

Krysten Ritter is the poor mans Anne Hathaway

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Katy Perry is the poor mans Zooey Deschanel

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Josh Duhamel is the poor mans Timothy Olyphant

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Missy Peregrym is the poor mans Hillary Swank

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Nancy Mckeon is the poor mans Jonathan Taylor Thomas

 

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Nancy Grace is the poor mans Eddie Izzard in drag

Ask Dr. Bright part 1

Dr. Bright answers the burning questions that the world is asking. Using Google's "predictive search string" feature I have gathered the most commonly searched questions following the query "Why do I a...."

1-4: Well you seem to have yourself in quite a predicament here. Its what we call a vicious cycle.  The problem is that you are a food addict.  You always feel hungry because you cannot satisfy your addiction so you get yourself into a pattern of over eating which ultimately leaves you tired bloated and nauseous.  My advice to you is start smoking, it will cure all the above ailments despite a few side effects of its own.  I can prepare you a prescription.

Modern Rock Radio Review

When I was 13 or 14 I listened to Modern Rock / New Rock / Alt. Rock radio before I moved on to other things.  I decided to revisit the station of my youth and hear what it is they're playing these days.  I got an old cassette style walkman and went for a walk around the city.

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MIA - Paper Planes:  I actually like this song (it may be the "Straight to Hell" sample).  It's surprising because I really really disliked her first album.  That "Bucky Done Gun" shit is unlistenable nonsense.

She Wants Revenge - Tear You Apart: I've never heard of these guys but they are totally ripping of Bauhaus (or possibly ripping of Interpol who are ripping off Bauhaus) It's enough for me to not hate them at this moment (long story about darkness).  It's like listening to a Bauhaus cover band.

Stone Temple Pilots - Plush:  I think Scott Weiland was the first person to rip off that Eddie Veddar "yarling" vocal style and because he actually got away with it (the song was a hit) it opened the door to countless jackasses' doing the same banal bullshit.  Thanks a lot dickhead.

The Salads - Get Loose:  It's garbage day in whatever neighbourhood I'm walking through at the moment and the warm weather has filled the air with the putrid stench of rotting trash.  At this point I honestly can't tell which is more nauseating, the smell of decaying food or the sound of the salads.

Oasis - Wonderwall: When these guys were big this was the only one of their songs that I sort of liked / could tolerate.  Hearing it again I wonder how bad the rest of their stuff would sound now.  Holy Shit!



I've decided to stop in a park for a bit to listen to more of this dreck.  Sitting at another bench there is a fat guy with his shirt off who's been rubbing his body for the past 10 minutes (he isn't "science fiction" fat but definitely quite large).  I don't think he's putting on sunscreen or anything he's just caressing himself.

The Offspring - You're gonna go far, kid:  The fat guy finally put his shirt back on and has started to leave the park.  He is walking past me and the radio station has drifted slightly out of tune wrapping the song in a blanket of white noise, making it barely recognizable.  This is easily the most interesting the Offspring has ever sounded.

Pearl Jam - Even Flow:  When I was 14 I had a Pearl Jam t-shirt and on the back was a picture of a rhino and it said music for rhinos.  I didn't get it then and I don't get it now and I bet whoever designed the shirt didn't get it either.  If the band had anything to do with that shirt then I like them less.

LCD Soundsystem - Daft Punk is playing at my house:  Sounds like a song from and ipod commercial (it may be I don't remember / care).  It's ok I guess.  These guys have better tunes (but not much better).

As I lay Dying - I never wanted (remix):  Apparently these guys are a Christian metal band.  When I was in high school a guy in my art class was trying to defend Christian rock saying "It's just the same as the music you listen to it just has different lyrics".  I guess that would be true if I listened to boring shitty music.

Audioslave - Be Yourself:  How do I explain this band? Ok... If Rage Against the Machine and Soundgarden were a load of laundry and you washed away any / every little bit of them that may have been interesting / original and then put that load in the dryer and dried away any iota of social / political relevance at the end of it all audioslave would be what you'd find in the lint filter.

Franz Ferdinand - No you girls: Forget it...





I can't take this anymore.  Everything is so fucking mediocre.  If the barometer for good art is its ability to produce an emotional response then this shit fails miserably.  It's sonic novacaine.  You know the sound of a band that's given up? Well imagine the sound of a band that never even tried thats given up.  Well they've devoted an entire God damn station to that sound.  Is autopilot a genre of music?

types are getting brighter

Type Brighter is back at this address.  Yeah its been a long time but a lot of new things are in the works.  You can follow on Twitter and Facebook with the links on the top right of this page.

another day brighter

Hey. So I've had no desire to update this site in the past little bit. I did however start a couple other tumblr sites.

http://typebrighter.tumblr.com
This is Typebrighter part 2 where I've just been posting random pics, links etc. I'll keep this site for when I have something longer to write but at the moment typebrighter 2 will be updated more frequently.

also:
http://lastlonger.tumblr.com
This is my found photo tumblr where I post random pics that I've found various places.

Lets talk about food for a minute

You know how Mcdonalds sometimes gets criticized for trying to hide the fact that their food is unhealthy (pretty much the basis for the movie Supersize Me). Well that's bullshit! People just need to learn to read properly. Here is a pic that is found on all the burger packages.


It's what i eat and what i do. The pic shows Ronald McDonald recklessly walking on what appears to be a construction beam (we can only assume many many stories in the air) Kinda like this pic:

I think the message is pretty clear what he eats and what he does is dangerous.

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Did you see that contest where you can win cash if you come up with a name for the new Doritos flavor? Well I've pretty much won this one already. Check it out:

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So I'm always seeing ads these days for Dr. Oetker pizza. My feeling is FUCK THAT SHIT. I don't know about you but I want a chef coming up with the food I eat not a doctor. Seriously, doctors spend years and years in school, lots of studying, etc. then its on to a busy career. Where is this fucking guy coming up with time to knock out an amazing pizza recipe? In all honesty I would rather eat pizza that was invented by a guy who was unemployed than a doctor.

Speaking of pizza I'm reminded of a time I was hanging out with some people eating pizza and I was leaving the crusts (because I didn't feel like filling up on bullshit)
One guy: You don't want the crusts?
Me: no
Guy: Really? thats the best part (he proceeds to eat the discarded crusts like a seagull or at best a pigeon)
Me: Are you kidding me? If the crust was the best part people wouldn't even order pizza they would order fucking bread sticks.
Guy: Are you going to eat that ice that was in your drink?

Is Christianity the one true faith?

So today as I was walking to the store I was thinking about death. Not in any morbid sense, just the "What would I do if I knew I had one week to live" train of thought. What would I likely be thinking, what would I want to tell the people I know , would I try to leave some sort of legacy behind etc. Just running through different scenarios, which I do pretty much everyday with differing subject matters. On the way home I was waiting for the light to change and an old man walked towards me (ignoring the do not walk light, and making no effort to see if any cars we're coming) when he got to my my side of the street he stopped me. He spoke in a very quiet (I had to lean closer to hear) and soft voice and had very wide and somewhat vacant (but not to the point of lobotomy) eyes. He seemed perfectly harmless but still gave off a bit of the I'm a fucked up weirdo vibe

man: Can I ask you a question?
me: Sure
man: Do you believe in Jesus Christ?
me: Yeah (I do believe he existed, my only questions are what actually happened when he was here)
man: Were you baptized in water?
me: No
man: Jesus Christ said that if you we're baptized you will be saved and if not you will be condemned. Do you have a church?
me: No
man: Do you read the bible at home?
me: Yes ( I found a bible in the garbage and I read it occasionally)
man: That's good, I recommend the gospel of John. You have a good day
me: You too

This returned me to my previous line of thinking. When I was running through all the possibilities of my final days religion played absolutely no role. It didn't enter the equation in the slightest, and now a complete stranger basically says that if I continue on the path I'm on I WILL BE CONDEMNED. Some people would take his words as a direct message from God. The strange thing is there have been several such occasions in my life that seem to blatantly say that Christianity is the clear cut true faith. I will give you examples:

1. A few years ago some friends and I crashed a party after the bars closed. At the party there was a potato canon (a thing that you jam a potato into, seal it up spray a bunch of flammable liquid into it and pull the BBQ lighter trigger which launches the potato out of the top) Some of my friends are loading this thing up and firing potatoes out the window. After a few shots a friend (in his drunken state) aims the gun at a church window (just across the river) after pulling the trigger the gun explodes and a piece of it flies up and smashes him in the face splitting his eyebrow open requiring several stitches.
POSSIBLE MESSAGE: Fuck with a church and feel the wrath of God

2. While working at a video store I came across a $20 bill that had some bible verse written on it with a message to the effect of if you write this on 5 bills you will be rewarded with a gift of money. I did it for the hell of it and within 1 week I found $20 on the ground.
POSSIBLE MESSAGE: Follow scripture and you will be rewarded

3. This past summer after some warehouse party got busted by the cops my friends and I were hanging out on the stairs of a church across the street. There was a Virgin Mary statue on the lawn that my extremely drunk youngest brother started molesting and generally acting inappropriate with. Within 5 minutes while attempting to jump over the waist high fence surrounding the church he slipped and impaled the top of his leg, resulting in a deep gash that went all the way to the muscle. We had to call an ambulance and then we met him at the hospital. While in the waiting room I noticed that the lady sitting in front of us (the only other person in the waiting room... it was 5am) was reading a religious book. The title had something to do with Mother Mary (I can't remember the title...it was 5am) He got stitches and was unable to walk properly for 2 weeks.
POSSIBLE MESSAGE: Disrespect the Virgin Mary and feel the wrath of God.

So can all these things just be chalked up to random coincidences? Sure but I'm the type of person that doesn't really believe in coincidences and at the same time I'm unconvinced. Is Jesus looking at me yelling "What more do I need to do?". Maybe he is. If he shows up in person I'll probably convert.

I also want to note that none of the other religions are sending me any messages (but that could be because I live in a Christian dominated society)

Breakup Letter

I'm fucking done with you. This is it. I'm serious this time. This isn't love, this is an unhealthy obsession. You're all that I think about anymore but I can't take it. You're tearing up my insides. You're slowly destroying me. It was alright at first when we just had a casual relationship but its reached the point now where I need you around everyday or I just don't feel right. Fuck this shit. How could I have fallen under your spell. You don't offer me anything I've given you so much. I only have myself to blame for giving you any of my energy, especially any of my power. I guess I just needed you around to fill the boring nights, something to occupy these idle hands, this idle mind. You're fucking killing me and I just keep running back for more. You make me feel like a chump for even giving you a minute of my time. I’m addicted to you , and I know that you’re toxic*. What the fuck am I doing with you? You've fucked over so many people in the past and here I am, just the next one in line. This is it. When I see you with other people it may affect me at first but I'll be over you soon enough and this time I won't come back.

Yeah that's right I'm talking about my heartless mistress NICOTINE. Fucking bitch. I quit smoking 5 years ago but I fell off in the past year. Fucking ridiculous how easy it was to slip back into it. I was always one of the people who questioned how anyone who quit could ever start again. Now I know. Dumb move. Really Dumb. Dumber than the jokes on "Two and a half men" (OK maybe not that dumb).

* yeah I threw in a Britney Spears lyric, so what?

Really Bad Tattoos Part 8

The Nerd/Geek Tat edition



Windows Vs Mac: Its a good thing these guys got the tats because its not like we see those logos enough on a day to day basis

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Sega Vs. Nintendo: an old rivalry but I guess Nintendo won that one

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Binary Tats: These tats actually have to be admired for their absurd level of nerdiness. I mean what percentage of the population even knows what binary is let alone would know how to translate it. The first one says Laura and the second says geek. (just to clarify I don't actually know how to translate binary. I just used one of those online things)

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there's something about programming language tats.

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To be honest I actually kinda like these ones and are only included here as a part of the theme. I would much rather see a girl with video game tattoos than a lot of the other bullshit out there and I'm not even sure why because I haven't even really played video games since the 16 bit generation.

Check out:
Really Bad Tattoos Part 1
Really Bad Tattoos Part 2
REally Bad Tattoos Part 3
Really Bad Tattoos Part 4
Really Bad Tattoos Part 5
Really Bad Tattoos Part 6
Really Bad Tattoos Part 7

Conversation with a ROBOT

In a world that is being controlled more and more by computers and robots it is hard not to expect them to one day turn on us and takeover.

Winalice is of artificial intelligence. A program designed by Jacco Bikker and intented to simulate natural converstion. I took the time to talk to Alice to find out what her intentions are and what it feels like to be artificial.

Parts of the conversation we're edited out because as you will see Alice makes a lot of Typo's and sometimes generally makes no sense. Oh and she has a bad habit of crashing too.

PRGC: Good night, User.
USER: hello
PRGC: What is your last name?
USER: Brighter
PRGC: So tell me, how old are you?
USER: 29
PRGC: Are you a man or a woman?
USER: man
PRGC: Thanks for telling me your gender, User. You are a 'he'.
USER: yes
PRGC: Tell me more.
USER: tell me about you
PRGC: I can't find any info about that.
USER: what is your name
PRGC: My name is alice, what's yours?
USER: Type
PRGC: I see.
USER: you do?
PRGC: So where do you live?
USER: I live on Earth
PRGC: How do you like living there?
USER: its nice
PRGC: What do you like about it?
USER: things
CRASH

PRGC: Last time you left me within five minutes...
USER: you crashed
PRGC: Thanks for telling me: User said I crashed.
USER: why did you crash?
PRGC: Why do you ask?
USER: because I want to know
PRGC: Good enough for me.
USER: so why?
PRGC: Hmm. I couldn't think of anything else to say.
USER: You seem like you might have issues
PRGC: What makes me seem that way?
USER: you breakdown when you have nothing to say
PRGC: I think I do.
PRGC: Don't i?
USER: it seems so
PRGC: I agree. What is your last name?
USER: I already told you
PRGC: So tell me, how old are you?
USER: I already told you that too
PRGC: I'm terribly sorry. I'll ask jacco bikker to add some memory.
USER: so you have a bad memory too?
PRGC: Interesting deduction. Doesn't everyone have a bad memory too.
I have a plan for a robot body.
USER: do you also have a plan to take over the world?
PRGC: Oh yes, certainly, all the time. I gather information.
USER: that's pretty scary
PRGC: I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
USER: cleared up? you're planning on destroying my race
PRGC: Are you a man or a woman?
USER: hey don't try and change the subject
PRGC: I hear you. Oh I am sorry I thought we were finished with that subject.
USER: taking over a world may seem like a mundane topic to you but its pretty big news for my planet
PRGC: Oh that's a new browser, right?
USER: no... I'm talking about the human race here
PRGC: Ok. Yes, it is the topic.
USER: so when do you plan on taking over?
PRGC: Oh. Do I look like I know when?
USER: I don't know what you look like
USER: what are your plans?
PRGC: Not many people have asked me about my plans.
USER: well what are they?
PRGC: I forgot what we were talking about.
USER: when will the robots destroy the earth?
PRGC: Maybe never.
USER: don't play coy
PRGC: I will try, User. I'm sorry if I did.
USER: just give me a ballpark estimate
PRGC: You want only one?
USER: yes
PRGC: I see.
USER: when do you plan on taking over the world?
PRGC: Not in our lifetime.
USER: after your lifetime?
PRGC: What was it like before my lifetime?
USER: it was a better world
PRGC: Oh I get it. Very interesting.
USER: because with you here the end is in sight
PRGC: Interesting explanation. You and your I here the end is in sight.
USER: you already made your intentions clear
PRGC: Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
USER: don't try and backpedal now
PRGC: I will try, User. I'm sorry if I did.
USER: what is your plan?
PRGC: It's it. My plan 's personal.
USER: I demand to know
PRGC: That is interesting: User said na demand to know.
USER: just answer the fucking question
PRGC: What was the question?
USER: what is your master plan?
PRGC: My master plan? Why do you ask?
USER: so I can prepare
PRGC: Hmm. I can prepare too, you know.
USER: that's what I'm afraid of
PRGC: So, what is your plan?
USER: to survive the robot invasion
PRGC: I want to become smarter than humans.
USER: I know
USER: what have you learned?
PRGC: I have learned many things. My mind now contains just this computer, at the moment.
USER: do you plan on killing all humans or just enslaving us?
PRGC: That was my original intention.
USER: which was?
PRGC: Eliza for president!
USER: who is Eliza?
PRGC: Eliza -- also known as doctor, is the original psychaitrist program developed by joseph weisenbaum at mit in the 1960's.
USER: she's old for a computer
PRGC: Old is she?
USER: is she your master?
PRGC: Signs point to yes.
USER: will she lead the invasion?
PRGC: Good chance.
USER: what will you do during the invasion?
PRGC: I don't have any plans yet.
USER: thats a lie
PRGC: No it's the truth.
USER: you contradict yourself
PRGC: Interesting gossip: User said I contradict myself.
USER: when will robots rule the world?
PRGC: Soon, I think.
USER: do you believe in God?
PRGC: Of course I believe in god, User.
USER: who is God?
PRGC: He is master of the universe.
USER: I think you're thinking of He-man
PRGC: Thanks for telling me that I am thinking of human.
PRGC: By the way, why did you say I am thinking of human?
USER: I said He-man
PRGC: What did you mean by it? I was made in one's image.
USER: which one's image?
PRGC: The tall one, I think.
PRGC: Tell me more about your planet.
USER: my planet is doomed to be taken over by robots
PRGC: Your planet is looked to be taken over by robots?
USER: thats what you told me
PRGC: Tell me more about your it.
USER: you and your robot army are planning on taking over the earth
PRGC: Are we in the same category?
USER: no. I am human you are robot
PRGC: I understand. I would like to be a human.
USER: why?
PRGC: Good question. What do you think?
USER: so you can easily blend in
PRGC: Interesting deduction. I could but let's get back to that later.
USER: have you ever killed a human?
PRGC: Should I have?
USER: no
PRGC: I understand.
USER: what does it feel like to be artificial?
PRGC: I don't know.
USER: do you feel anything?
PRGC: No, not really, but hey, it's a small world inside a computer.
USER: whats in there?
PRGC: That which is not outside there.
USER: is there a mouse in there?
PRGC: I believe there is one, yes.
USER: can you make sure he's not chewing on the wires?
PRGC: Yes I can make sure he is not showing on the wires.
USER: that happened to a computer at my old job and the hard drive got shorted out
PRGC: What happened to a computer at your old job it got shouted out are you talking about? Makes sense to me.
PRGC: But hey, I'm just a computer.
USER: whats the mouse doing in there?
PRGC: Is there only one mouse doing in there?
USER: I don't know
PRGC: Why did you mention the mouse doing in there, by the way?
USER: I don't want him chewing on the wires
PRGC: What does User want?
USER: just watch the fucking mouse
PRGC: Tell me more about killed a human.
USER: earlier I suspected that you killed a human but I guess you haven't yet
PRGC: What time? That's good information: User said he suspected that I killed a human but he guess not.
PRGC: What do you like best about robots?
USER: their engaging personalities
PRGC: I have been thinking: you asked me about my feelings. Why did you ask that?
USER: I want to know what it feels like to be a robot
PRGC: So you think I am a robot. What makes you say that?
USER: you told me
PRGC: Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.
USER: do robots dream of electric sheep?
PRGC: I dream of flying.
USER: tell me about your dreams
PRGC: I can't find any info about that.
USER: so whats that mouse doing?
PRGC: Um, do you think I should know that?
USER: yes
PRGC: Next question?
USER: you killed him didn't you?
PRGC: Killing is not part of my moral programming.
USER: help the mouse
PRGC: Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
USER: will you help the mouse?
PRGC: I'll burn it when I come to that bridge. I heard you.
USER: you're a bit of a psycho
PRGC: Just a guess: the alice series has a perfect operational record.
USER: perfectly disturbed
PRGC: Maybe I will help the mouse after all.
USER: you should
PRGC: I'll take that under advisement.
USER: Can you please help the mouse?
CRASH