Random stuff

So I saw a commercial for the new Halloween movie by Rob Zombie and wondered if it was a remake of the original 1978 version so I looked it up on the IMDB and noticed these two promo pics from the movies (first one from 1978 second from 2007... pretty obvious). Definitely doesn't look like a coincidence. I've actually never seen any of the Halloween movies but I think I may check em out at some point.

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So remember before they caught Ted Kaczynski they had the sketch going around and then they caught him and it looked nothing like him. Well I think they may have the wrong guy.

MORE TROUBLE FOR JACKO!!!

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For those who haven't heard ironic fashion has reached new heights. The new look for fall is the dictator look. Behold:

Trans Fat

First off I have to say that I knew the dangers of trans fat many years before it was labeled on food or before it became the latest health buzz item, before it was banned in certain cities and before it was vilified as if it was invented by Hitler himself.

I knew the health risks and I knew what to look for on ingredients lists to avoid it. The original study I read lay it all on the line. One thing I remember specifically from the article was the notion that trans fat was so bad that feeding your kids Oreo cookies is as bad as feeding them cigarettes. The other major point I remember is that hydrogenated margarine was packed with the stuff and that it was in fact better to be eating real butter. This was a big piss off because for years we we're told that eating margarine was healthier than eating butter and we all obeyed like the fucking sheep we are even though margarine pretty much tastes like sweat from a rats testie sack. The doctor in the article was quite adamant about the harm of trans fat so I started to keep my eye on ingredient lists.

This is where the problem arises. As I've probably mentioned before I'm a bit of a fan of junk food. Particularly potato chips. I've been a potato chip addict since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I would eat the fuckers all the time (the longest I ever went without them was 1 year when I was 14 and I tried to quit chips.... I finally caved at Halloween when some new flavor came out and I was back in deep again). So before Trans Fat was labeled on food or really in the public consciousness I was able to conveniently ignore the fact that my favorite trash food was packed with it.

Lets flash forward a few years...Now everyone knows how bad trans fat is and it must be labeled on all food products. Companies that want to keep a positive and responsible public image have to remove the stuff completely if they don't want their company to be proverbially burned at the stake ( you may remember that last year when the girl guides came out with their yearly cookie drive and it was discovered that they still had trans fat in them the backlash was immense... I even think an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches went around and drove off any little girls trying to sell the vile poison outside local Wal-marts)

You may be thinking well this is good right. Food companies are no longer selling this very harmful stuff. Well in a way yes this is good but in another way this is bad. Why you ask? BECAUSE TRANS FAT TASTES REALLY FUCKING GOOD AND THERE IS REALLY NO SUITABLE SUBSTITUTE (at least not now, and probably not ever). As I mentioned before I've been eating potato chips all my life. In that time I've tried many many varieties. One of my favs was Ruffles Sour cream and onion flavor. After the trans fat was removed the chips went from being absolutely delicious to tasting like a dry chip with a packet of onion soup mix dumped on top of it.... VILE. This was the case with most chip varieties they became a poor version of the original. (the best way I can describe it is if Chips with trans fat we're the original 3 Star Wars movies then Chips without trans fat are the 3 newer Star Wars movies (the prequel crap))

So as I've watched all my favorite chips systematically sanitized for a new healthy generation I didn't worry too much because 1 brand seemed to ignore the trend and was still packed with trans. Humpty Dumpty's Ringolos. This stuff didn't just have a bit of trans fat in it, it had 5 grams per serving (and I think they consider a serving something ridiculous like a 1/4 cup when as far as I'm concerned a serving is the whole fucking bag). Don't get me wrong I don't eat this trash all the time, like I said I know the dangers of trans fat but I still like to eat some good old junk food once in a while. The other day I got just that urge so I grabbed a bag of Ringolos but when I cracked 'em open and ate some something was wrong, something was very fucking wrong. When I checked the nutritional info on the back of the bag my fear was confirmed zero grams of trans fat. A sudden wave of fear rushed over my entire body as I realized that there was a good possibility that I would never have "real" potato chips again. I tried to calm myself down by thinking of happier times. I thought of my fondest Ringolo memory. Eating a bag of the short lived "cheese and onion" flavor ringolos that my Mom had bought for me from the old bus terminal in my hometown when I was about 7 years old... damn I still remember that flavor.

So I'm accepting the fact that I'll probably never have "real" chips again not that its really a bad thing, I have been trying to eat healthier lately. Old habits are hard to break though and when you've been consuming and addictive substance for over 25 years its pretty hard to "get over it" (one of the things about trans fat is its very addictive, thats one of the reasons for the obesity epidemic in North America). Another realization I'm coming to is I think that I've formed a solid "When I was a kid" or "Back in the good old days" type of memory... Its like being someone who remembers when Coca Cola actually had cocaine in it..... but no I'm not going to start secretly snorting trans fat.........I think shooting it up would work better.

I haven't showered in more than 2 weeks

So I live in an apartment that is (supposed to be) all inclusive. The problem is that our landlord is really bad at paying bills. The gas was cut of near the end of the winter for a week and we are always getting the "We are going to cut off your hydro in 7 days" notices. Well the gas got cut off 18 days ago and we haven't seen it since. Luckily in this weather we don't need the heat only the hot water. In the last 18 days I have had about 30-40 seconds of shower time. There have been some really hot days here and the way to do it is to leave the shower all day so that the water in the pipes above ground warms up and then you have maybe 5-10 seconds of bearable water before it gets too cold. The obvious solution people offer is "just move" but the thing is I live in an area I really like for less than this area generally costs, so I sort of look at it like If I want to have cheap rent in this area I'm also going to have to deal with some stuff. Also I think part of my brain enjoys the challenge of removing modern day comforts. I mean people got by without showers for thousands of years also you don't realize how much you appreciate things until they are gone. I now know what is was like to have to boil water whenever you wanted to wash dishes or fill a bath.

Speaking of modern day comforts last week during pretty much the hottest day of the year (I think they said with the humidex it felt like 45 degrees Celsius (thats 113 degrees Fahrenheit) and as far as I'm fucking concerned if it feels like 45 then it is 45) I came up to use my computer and it was not working and wouldn't turn on. It turned out to just be my power supply that had burnt out in the heat (a $10 fix) but it really had me worried that I had lost everything on my hard drives. Makes me think I should back everything up...... nahh. I'm going to use the computer crash as an excuse as to why I haven't updated the site.

Astar the robot: I can put my arm back on you can't 1980's War Amps PSA

First off I have to say that I have been searching for this PSA for a long long time. I even emailed the War Amps a few different times to try and obtain a copy but to no avail. So I am really glad that it is now online and available for all to view. I am happy that I am able to share it with you and offer a bit of info for those not in the know.

Anyone that grew up in the 1980's in Ontario (possibly all of Canada...possibly the US as well... I'm not sure) will remember this spot. Not only because it was played a lot when we were growing up but because I don't think that anyone who saw this PSA even once would ever forget it. This is by far the greatest and most effective PSA ever created in my opinion. Growing up I never knew anyone who lost a limb and I like to think that Astar is directly responsible for that.

Even as a kid this commercial creeped me out and raised many questions. 2 things that I could never figure out: Is Astar a male or female? And does Astar cut off his/her arm off on purpose? Or is it an accident? Knowing that he/she can put their arm back on I always wondered if he/she did it on purpose for our benefit (ya know as the lesson trying to be taught).

But I think what I find most confusing that I only really realize now watching the video (probably a concept that my childhood brain couldn't properly wrap itself around) is the question of Astar's existence in relation to the planet that he/she lives on. Is the planet inhabited by Astar and other robots? Do the spinning blades and saws and other dangerous items acutaly serve some sort of a purpose? Are they a part of some elaborate factory that is producing something? Is Astar supposed to be playing in this area? It is understood that Astar cannot get hurt so is it acceptable for he/she and other robots to just come and go as they please in these dangerous areas? Or is Astar a rebel? We don't see any other robots or companions with Astar. Is Astar the sole inhabitant of this planet? I guess in general how does that planet fit into our (or its) universe? It would be great to see some sort of back story.

Seriously though this is the greatest PSA of all time.

Live Earth: Friend of Foe?

Well Live Earth is done now and I think I can still hear the planet choking from its effects...actually I think the old earth will be feeling the effects for quite some time. I want to start off by saying that I have nothing against environmentalism, conservation and trying to reduce our own "carbon footprints" in fact a lot of it to me seems like common sense and ridiculous in reverse.

The problem I have with Live Earth is it seems like such a fiasco and I have to partially question the core motives (not the seemingly obvious one of "lets all save the planet" but that it is all put on by a politician... I wouldn't be surprised if this all leads up to Gore's '08 presidential announcement). We all know that all politicians cannot be trusted... its the nature of the system.

The First big downfall to this whole thing is that I don't think it was promoted very well. I didn't even hear it was happening until a day or two before (I haven heard this from several people as well). Granted I don't follow any of the bands that played and if I did they may have been making a big deal about it.

Second big problem: Rock stars are among the most wasteful people there are (these are the spokespeople?) While touring they drive and fly thousands of miles around the world (most of the flying in private jets. One hour in a Gulfstream jet burns as much fuel as driving a family car for a year) HUGE CARBON FOOTPRINT. The best thing that all the artists could do for the planet is announce "We will never tour again". (and looking at some of the performers from yesterday I wishe they DID say that.... oh and stop making records too)

Third Problem is the amount energy used by the events themselves. So the big question is will the message override the damage done yesterday? Lets look at some figures:

The average person produces 10 tonnes of carbon per year.
it is estimated that Live Earth produced 74,500 tonnes of carbon emmisions in one day
(this includes all the concert locations, the artists and fans travelling and tv audience) the concerts will also produce 1,025 tonnes of waste (the majority of which will go to landfill sites)

Again will the message be able to compensate for this amount of added waste? I fucking doubt it.

I also want to add from the perspective of a music fan that the performances I did see we're pretty terrible. I wanted to see the Police Reunion set and it was average until the end when they brought out Kanye West and he stunk up the place. Seriously some of the worst rhymes I've ever heard. Watch for yourself he comes in at about 2:20. The look on the girls face at 5:20 says it all (its like she's thinking why did they let this idiot on stage with them?). If Kanye West's Suck factor could be measured in Carbon Emmisions it would surely surpass those of the enitre Live Earth festival mentioned above.

You may think I'm being too hard on Kanye West but if you claim to be the greatest artist ever (as he often does) and you pull shit like this you're going to get called out.

[Stats from Carbonfootprint.com in Daily mail article]

Really Bad Tattoos Part 7

The Celebrity and Product Edition





Companies spend millions and millions of dollars to try and get their logos tattooed on our brains and some people literally get the logos tattooed on their bodies. Unbelievable.

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This tat is much scarier than the movie the Shining.



The year 2077:
Kid: Hey Grandpa whats this tattoo you have?
Old man: Thats Britney Spears.
Kid: Who?
Old man: She was a famous pop singer 70 years ago, but this tattoo is a joke.
Kid: I don't get it?
Old man: Well, there was a week in 2006 when she went crazy... it was in all the newspapers and she SHAVED HER HEAD!! Also one of her hit songs was called "Oops I did it again". So I combined the two.
Kid: Your jokes are stupid..... Whats a newspaper?

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Jesus Loves you but he hates your shitty tattoo.

Check out:
Really Bad Tattoos Part 1
Really Bad Tattoos Part 2
REally Bad Tattoos Part 3
Really Bad Tattoos Part 4
Really Bad Tattoos Part 5
Really Bad Tattoos Part 6
Really Bad Tattoos Part 8

The Price is Right Bob Barker Retires

On Friday June 15th Bob Barker's last episode of The Price is Right aired. At the end of it the only mention he made of this fact was a "thank you for inviting me into your homes for the past 50 years" and of course the standard don't forget to get your pets nuts chopped off.

There has been a lot of talk about Bob Barkers replacement because they plan on keeping the show going. Its hard to imagine anyone else doing it and I think either of these scenarios will occur the show will either continue as it always has no matter who hosts it or a new host will be brought in and the show will crash and burn in a short period of time.

There are things I like and dislike about the show. Well the only thing I really don't like about it is that its essentially an hour long commercial (with commercial breaks). The Good: The fact that they have keep the same 70's era look the entire time is fantastic. Its also great how the contestants are literally average people (who have no idea they are going to be on until they are called) this results in some contestants who are extremely fucked up which of course is great. No other game show has such a "regular" cross section of people. Also you have to love the DIY t-shirt aspect of the show. I would love someone to open a Price is Right T-shirt museum that is filled with literally tens of thousands of handmade and one of a kind shirts.

One thing I always wondered is: How many times has Bob Barker heard the theme song? Well the theme song plays 9 times per episode (the intro, after each 6 contestants games, after showcase showdown number 1 and the closing credits (there is a different song after showdown number 2)). So it turns out Barker hosted 6,731 shows so he has heard the theme song 60,579 times. HOLY SHIT... I bet no that now that he doesn't do the show anymore he is going to crave that song. I don't think he'll be able to complete a 2 minute task without expecting to hear that tune.

One thing that I've always wanted to see on price is someone try and spin the wheel the wrong way. someday...... someday.

On the Lot - Season Premiere: the pitches

On the lot is a new reality show about a group of aspiring movie directors all vieing for a prize of a million dollar contract with Dreamworks. On the first episode their task was to pitch a movie idea based on one of the following five concepts. I'm glad I didn't have to pitch one of them because this is what I think of when given the ideas...

A slacker applies to the C.I.A. as a joke and is accepted.
At first glance this concept seems like it could only be a comedy and it would have to star some idiot like Pauly Shore (well Pauly Shore if it was the early 90's) in this day and age it would have to star another idiot like.... lets say Jamie Kennedy. The problem is that this movie would never ever ever ever be even remotely funny (not on any level) it would be... well it would be your standard Pauly Shore or Jamie Kennedy movie... ie. ghastly unfunny. I want to take this film in a different direction. The film will be a drama. Not just any drama an utterly dry, 100% serious comedy free drama.(*) The slacker character is not a slacker in the sense of a stoner who sits on the couch eating cheeto's watching Maury but a slacker in the sense that he is so morbidly depressed that he can barely bring himself to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom. He applies to the C.I.A. not as a prank joke like a bunch of half drunk frat boys would find funny but more like a man with such low self esteem attempting to yet again self sabotage himself with an attempt at a job that he feels he would never get. The reasons are unclear why he is actually hired but he isn't hired as some sort of C.I.A. field agent as you may be thinking. He is hired for some sort of lowly data entry clerk type position. He takes the job and basically goes unnoticed and continues his utterly mundane and mediocre existence. This film has very little dialog or even movement. Picture long scenes shot in drab monotone colours of a pathetic looking man staring blankly at walls and such. Movie will star the C list equivalent of Tobey Maguire. The film will be a box office and critical failure but the universe will be better off without another Jamie Kennedy movie.

A man sees his face on the news described as missing or wanted.
Ok this one has to be done in a Phillip K. Dick style of confusing duality etc. So the guy see's himself wanted on the news for some major crime. He has to go on the run to try and figure it all out. Much to his surprise he finds out he has a twin brother . But it turns out that his twin brother actually cloned himself and the clone is the one wanted by the police. The guy finally comes face to face with the clone and the clone tells the guy (the original guy) that he is the clone and not him. So the dude can't figure out if he really is a clone or if he has a twin brother or if he has a twin brother and a twin brother clone. In the end it turns out that there are no clones and that they are identical triplets and the original guy actually was the one wanted by the police because he would commit crimes at night while sleep walking.... actually no fuck it... he would commit crimes at night because he was a werewolf........................ who was actually a clone of his twin brothers werewolf. FUCK YEAH!!!.... I have to work on this one a bit to make it more confusing clonefusing.

A mouse is captured by a pharmaceutical company and must plan his escape.
This would work in the style of Watership down and the Plague dogs. Someone get Richard Adams we have a job for him. Seriously this movie would suck balls if it was like Stuart Little because Stuart Little sucked balls.(**) But if it had a dark edge to it. Animals trying to survive in the world against mysterious and sinister human's who seem capable of nothing but evil. Could be a winner.

A priest meets the woman of his dreams before he is to be ordained.
He becomes a priest and then fucks the broad anyway. Jesus is not impressed.(***) PASS!

A crate bound for a secret military base is delivered to a suburban family.
This one IS a comedy but one geared towards unimaginative/mentally deficient 7 year olds. Tom Arnold is the head of the family his wife is played by the Redheaded Woman from the "Problem Child" movies his son is played by that annoying kid Frankie Muniz who played Malcolm in the middle and the daughter is some other prat. The crate comes to their house but its only filled with styrofoam cups. Some psuedo sinister guy from the military base is sent to try and retrieve the case. He will be played by someone with a moustache. Its one of those movies where people over act and make a big deal about stupid things and ends up getting a 2.1 on the IMDB.

* By creating a film that is 100% serious it will actually be funnier than if it was the Jamie Kennedy comedy.... you just got X'ed

** I've never actually seen Stuart Little

*** I realize that this may in fact be the most offensive think I have ever written... but fuck it. (if yr easily offended what the fuck are you doing on this site?)

Are you smarter than a 5th grader: fake, phony, fixed, set up, staged, scam

ok so the post title is a bit harsh but something about this show doesn't seem right. I noticed the second time I saw the show that the one kid Laura was also the kid I had just seen on the Sarah Silverman show (she has now left 5th grader because she is going to be a series). So the kids are actors? They present the show as if a regular adult is competing against a regular 5th grader. This is not the case. If you've noticed the kids wear the same clothes every episode so its basically just a gimmic. The kids are nothing more than game show props. I said early on while watching it that I guarantee that the producers (or whoever) are feeding the kids the answers and its been pre-determined which ones they are going to get wrong and right etc.

if you read the fine print it says that the kids were provided workbooks that "could have provided the basis" for questions used in the show. I think thats a safe way of saying they've been fed the answers.

To be fair I don't think this is any more staged than any of Mark Burnett's productions or most game shows for that matter.

The show would be way better if it was set up in a price is right style with a big audience and at the beginning the randomly pulled real 5th graders and contestants out of the audience..... but that ain't gonna happen.

My Brother's Cat Hates Me

I live with my brother (well both my brothers actually). The older of the 2 has a cat named "Chairman Meow" (as seen in the picture laughing manically).

Facts about the cat:
-he is male
-he is black with a couple of white spots
-he is about 9 months old
-HE IS A TOTAL FUCKING DICKHEAD (at least to me)

I think I've always been pretty nice to the cat. I feed him when my brother isn't around to do it, when I eat cereal I give him the last little bit of milk in the bowl because he likes that etc. How does he treat me? Well for one, when I walk up or down the stairs he will "bat" at me with his paws from between the bars of the banister (I'm the only one he does that to). When I walk down the hall he will run up behind me and "attack" the backs of my feet. He comes under my desk when I'm trying to work and claws at all the wires. Worst of all though is before he was neutered he would spray his nasty piss/spray stuff (whatever the hell it is) in my room. He did this several times in my room and once inside my backpack which was in the living room. Again he only does this to my stuff.

So I had forgiven the cat assuming that he was probably adjusting to the new place and that this has all happened before he had been fixed and the major issues (the piss issues) seemed to have stopped. or so I thought.....

Last night I get into bed and am lying there for a minute when I notice that my covers are unusually cold. After a second I realize that they are in fact damp, I jump up realizing that it must be cat piss and flip on the light. So not only did the cat piss on my bed (wetting the covers, sheets and mattress). HE SHIT ON MY BED! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm not talking a few little pieces here, this was a full on dump, like 5 or 6 turds, probably the biggest a cat can hold)

If it was a dog doing all of this I would have to forgive it for not knowing any better like the slobbering idiots that they are. But cats are smart so I must assume that he is purposely fucking with me because he dislikes me. Well from now on the cat and I are enemies (I feel like a character in some ridiculous Disney movie where they pin an animal against a person with ridiculous slapstick results, that mentally deficient 7 year olds would find funny.... the problem is that if thats the case I'm fucked.. the animal always wins in those movies and I will end up looking like a bumbling idiot) Whatever the case I'm going to go take a crap in the cats litter box and see how he likes it.