Poor Man's Actor Part 2

Rachel Blanchard is the poor man's Alicia Silverstone

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Monica Potter is the poor man's Julia Roberts

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Benjamin Mackenzie is the poor man's Russel Crowe

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Mark Harmon is the poor man's Kevin Costner

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Zachary Levi (guy from show "Chuck") is the poor man's Jimmy Fallon

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The Kid from the Dennis the Menace movie is the poor man's Dakota Fanning

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John Cryer is the poor man's Matthew Broderick

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Elias Koteas is the poor man's Christopher Meloni

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Aaron Ashmore is the poor man's Shawn Ashmore

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John Leguizamo is annoying as hell... please don't put him in any more movies.

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Check Out:

Poor Man's Actor Part 1

50 Year Old Food! Part 2

Another installment of ancient food. This time from old magazines. (click the pics to see full sized)
You know what they don't do anymore? They don't show raw meat in ads anymore? Do you know why? Because it doesn't look very appealing. Especially when you slather that raw meat with a mixture of cheese, mustard and butter.

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You know what works for any meal? Random meats with carrots on a toasted bun...but only if you have a side plate of poorly chopped lettuce...or maybe thats cabbage...either way it works. What drink do I want with it? oh can I have a bottle of engine coolant? thanks. Oh and make sure you jam a big sprig of parsley on my plate to make it look nice.

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This article was called "Easter on a budget, You can have your hat and eat well too". Can I just eat my hat instead? Seriously. Look at that desert, it really kinda scares me. It appears to be a bunch of candy floating in clear gelatin. Oh and there's corn in there too.

HOLD THE FUCKING PRESSES!!!! I went back to the article to find out what the gelatin dish was and get this its a "molded vegetable salad" I was joking about corn being in there but its ALL VEGETABLES. Its made by cooking a package of mixed vegetables then marinating them in French dressing and then mixing the whole mess in to a mold of LIME GELATIN!!! wow thats fucking ridiculous.

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I guess this one doesn't look that bad. Apart from the dental floss and whipped cream topping.

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You know how when you go to a fast food joint the burger you get never looks as good as the picture of it on the order board. I just want to point out that this is the picture of the beef stroganoff that they chose for the ad..this is as good as it will possibly look and honestly food never looks better than when its served on a wooden plate.

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You're probably saying "Hey I didn't know Chef Boy-Ar-Dee" made pizza kits. Well judging by the look of them it was short lived. I mean if you look at the ad the couple only cut off one slice and the woman probably only had one bite before she threw the rest in the ocean. You may want to enlarge the pic to take a closer look but I'm pretty sure thats what happened.

50 Year Old Food Part 1

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Are you interested in learning more about staying healthy? Food and nutrition are an important aspect of being healthy. Do you know about your food groups? If you want to learn more about how to eat healthy, start by learning your food groups and what you should eat. Do you have group health insurance? Health insurnace will also ensure you a long and healthy life!

James Blunt - Psychopathic Stalker

So I know that its pretty late to be talking about the James Blunt song "you're beautiful" but I heard it again today and realized that I never actually put down all my thoughts on this monstrosity.

From what I've heard Blunt claims this song is about his ex-girlfriend to which I say ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???? Maybe in his delusional psychotic stalker mind she was his girlfriend.

Lets look at the lyrics:

My life is brilliant
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

So he sees a woman on the subway with her boyfriend and concocts some sort of plan...

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Ok.... we've certainly gathered that you find this woman beautiful. But why don't you know what to do? I thought you had a plan.

Yes, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last 'till the end.

woah relax pal she just looked at you I wouldn't say you really shared a moment

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

So is the angel smiling because she is tormenting you? You say the angel thought up that you should be with this woman but then you say that you will never be with her... I think its clear whats going on here...

JAMES BLUNT HAS A SPLIT PERSONALITY. There is obviously some sort of inner conflict going on in his head. One side of his brain (the rational side which is still in touch with reality) realizes that he will never be with this woman who he see's one time on the subway. The other side of his brain seems to think that they share intimate moments and that there is some sort of divine plan underway to connect the two of them.

Let's face it if you took the guitar out of his hands you wouldn't be able to tell Blunt from any of the greasy haired vagrants wandering around the subway mumbling about angels. Have you seen Blunt, he has those vacant lobotomy eyes. Its really quite freaky

Another thing that I find funny about the song (on an unrelated note) is how much it reads like a Craigslist "missed connection" post. In fact I posted it on Craigslist to show my point.

Random stuff

So I saw a commercial for the new Halloween movie by Rob Zombie and wondered if it was a remake of the original 1978 version so I looked it up on the IMDB and noticed these two promo pics from the movies (first one from 1978 second from 2007... pretty obvious). Definitely doesn't look like a coincidence. I've actually never seen any of the Halloween movies but I think I may check em out at some point.

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So remember before they caught Ted Kaczynski they had the sketch going around and then they caught him and it looked nothing like him. Well I think they may have the wrong guy.

MORE TROUBLE FOR JACKO!!!

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For those who haven't heard ironic fashion has reached new heights. The new look for fall is the dictator look. Behold:

Trans Fat

First off I have to say that I knew the dangers of trans fat many years before it was labeled on food or before it became the latest health buzz item, before it was banned in certain cities and before it was vilified as if it was invented by Hitler himself.

I knew the health risks and I knew what to look for on ingredients lists to avoid it. The original study I read lay it all on the line. One thing I remember specifically from the article was the notion that trans fat was so bad that feeding your kids Oreo cookies is as bad as feeding them cigarettes. The other major point I remember is that hydrogenated margarine was packed with the stuff and that it was in fact better to be eating real butter. This was a big piss off because for years we we're told that eating margarine was healthier than eating butter and we all obeyed like the fucking sheep we are even though margarine pretty much tastes like sweat from a rats testie sack. The doctor in the article was quite adamant about the harm of trans fat so I started to keep my eye on ingredient lists.

This is where the problem arises. As I've probably mentioned before I'm a bit of a fan of junk food. Particularly potato chips. I've been a potato chip addict since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I would eat the fuckers all the time (the longest I ever went without them was 1 year when I was 14 and I tried to quit chips.... I finally caved at Halloween when some new flavor came out and I was back in deep again). So before Trans Fat was labeled on food or really in the public consciousness I was able to conveniently ignore the fact that my favorite trash food was packed with it.

Lets flash forward a few years...Now everyone knows how bad trans fat is and it must be labeled on all food products. Companies that want to keep a positive and responsible public image have to remove the stuff completely if they don't want their company to be proverbially burned at the stake ( you may remember that last year when the girl guides came out with their yearly cookie drive and it was discovered that they still had trans fat in them the backlash was immense... I even think an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches went around and drove off any little girls trying to sell the vile poison outside local Wal-marts)

You may be thinking well this is good right. Food companies are no longer selling this very harmful stuff. Well in a way yes this is good but in another way this is bad. Why you ask? BECAUSE TRANS FAT TASTES REALLY FUCKING GOOD AND THERE IS REALLY NO SUITABLE SUBSTITUTE (at least not now, and probably not ever). As I mentioned before I've been eating potato chips all my life. In that time I've tried many many varieties. One of my favs was Ruffles Sour cream and onion flavor. After the trans fat was removed the chips went from being absolutely delicious to tasting like a dry chip with a packet of onion soup mix dumped on top of it.... VILE. This was the case with most chip varieties they became a poor version of the original. (the best way I can describe it is if Chips with trans fat we're the original 3 Star Wars movies then Chips without trans fat are the 3 newer Star Wars movies (the prequel crap))

So as I've watched all my favorite chips systematically sanitized for a new healthy generation I didn't worry too much because 1 brand seemed to ignore the trend and was still packed with trans. Humpty Dumpty's Ringolos. This stuff didn't just have a bit of trans fat in it, it had 5 grams per serving (and I think they consider a serving something ridiculous like a 1/4 cup when as far as I'm concerned a serving is the whole fucking bag). Don't get me wrong I don't eat this trash all the time, like I said I know the dangers of trans fat but I still like to eat some good old junk food once in a while. The other day I got just that urge so I grabbed a bag of Ringolos but when I cracked 'em open and ate some something was wrong, something was very fucking wrong. When I checked the nutritional info on the back of the bag my fear was confirmed zero grams of trans fat. A sudden wave of fear rushed over my entire body as I realized that there was a good possibility that I would never have "real" potato chips again. I tried to calm myself down by thinking of happier times. I thought of my fondest Ringolo memory. Eating a bag of the short lived "cheese and onion" flavor ringolos that my Mom had bought for me from the old bus terminal in my hometown when I was about 7 years old... damn I still remember that flavor.

So I'm accepting the fact that I'll probably never have "real" chips again not that its really a bad thing, I have been trying to eat healthier lately. Old habits are hard to break though and when you've been consuming and addictive substance for over 25 years its pretty hard to "get over it" (one of the things about trans fat is its very addictive, thats one of the reasons for the obesity epidemic in North America). Another realization I'm coming to is I think that I've formed a solid "When I was a kid" or "Back in the good old days" type of memory... Its like being someone who remembers when Coca Cola actually had cocaine in it..... but no I'm not going to start secretly snorting trans fat.........I think shooting it up would work better.

I haven't showered in more than 2 weeks

So I live in an apartment that is (supposed to be) all inclusive. The problem is that our landlord is really bad at paying bills. The gas was cut of near the end of the winter for a week and we are always getting the "We are going to cut off your hydro in 7 days" notices. Well the gas got cut off 18 days ago and we haven't seen it since. Luckily in this weather we don't need the heat only the hot water. In the last 18 days I have had about 30-40 seconds of shower time. There have been some really hot days here and the way to do it is to leave the shower all day so that the water in the pipes above ground warms up and then you have maybe 5-10 seconds of bearable water before it gets too cold. The obvious solution people offer is "just move" but the thing is I live in an area I really like for less than this area generally costs, so I sort of look at it like If I want to have cheap rent in this area I'm also going to have to deal with some stuff. Also I think part of my brain enjoys the challenge of removing modern day comforts. I mean people got by without showers for thousands of years also you don't realize how much you appreciate things until they are gone. I now know what is was like to have to boil water whenever you wanted to wash dishes or fill a bath.

Speaking of modern day comforts last week during pretty much the hottest day of the year (I think they said with the humidex it felt like 45 degrees Celsius (thats 113 degrees Fahrenheit) and as far as I'm fucking concerned if it feels like 45 then it is 45) I came up to use my computer and it was not working and wouldn't turn on. It turned out to just be my power supply that had burnt out in the heat (a $10 fix) but it really had me worried that I had lost everything on my hard drives. Makes me think I should back everything up...... nahh. I'm going to use the computer crash as an excuse as to why I haven't updated the site.

Astar the robot: I can put my arm back on you can't 1980's War Amps PSA

First off I have to say that I have been searching for this PSA for a long long time. I even emailed the War Amps a few different times to try and obtain a copy but to no avail. So I am really glad that it is now online and available for all to view. I am happy that I am able to share it with you and offer a bit of info for those not in the know.

Anyone that grew up in the 1980's in Ontario (possibly all of Canada...possibly the US as well... I'm not sure) will remember this spot. Not only because it was played a lot when we were growing up but because I don't think that anyone who saw this PSA even once would ever forget it. This is by far the greatest and most effective PSA ever created in my opinion. Growing up I never knew anyone who lost a limb and I like to think that Astar is directly responsible for that.

Even as a kid this commercial creeped me out and raised many questions. 2 things that I could never figure out: Is Astar a male or female? And does Astar cut off his/her arm off on purpose? Or is it an accident? Knowing that he/she can put their arm back on I always wondered if he/she did it on purpose for our benefit (ya know as the lesson trying to be taught).

But I think what I find most confusing that I only really realize now watching the video (probably a concept that my childhood brain couldn't properly wrap itself around) is the question of Astar's existence in relation to the planet that he/she lives on. Is the planet inhabited by Astar and other robots? Do the spinning blades and saws and other dangerous items acutaly serve some sort of a purpose? Are they a part of some elaborate factory that is producing something? Is Astar supposed to be playing in this area? It is understood that Astar cannot get hurt so is it acceptable for he/she and other robots to just come and go as they please in these dangerous areas? Or is Astar a rebel? We don't see any other robots or companions with Astar. Is Astar the sole inhabitant of this planet? I guess in general how does that planet fit into our (or its) universe? It would be great to see some sort of back story.

Seriously though this is the greatest PSA of all time.

Live Earth: Friend of Foe?

Well Live Earth is done now and I think I can still hear the planet choking from its effects...actually I think the old earth will be feeling the effects for quite some time. I want to start off by saying that I have nothing against environmentalism, conservation and trying to reduce our own "carbon footprints" in fact a lot of it to me seems like common sense and ridiculous in reverse.

The problem I have with Live Earth is it seems like such a fiasco and I have to partially question the core motives (not the seemingly obvious one of "lets all save the planet" but that it is all put on by a politician... I wouldn't be surprised if this all leads up to Gore's '08 presidential announcement). We all know that all politicians cannot be trusted... its the nature of the system.

The First big downfall to this whole thing is that I don't think it was promoted very well. I didn't even hear it was happening until a day or two before (I haven heard this from several people as well). Granted I don't follow any of the bands that played and if I did they may have been making a big deal about it.

Second big problem: Rock stars are among the most wasteful people there are (these are the spokespeople?) While touring they drive and fly thousands of miles around the world (most of the flying in private jets. One hour in a Gulfstream jet burns as much fuel as driving a family car for a year) HUGE CARBON FOOTPRINT. The best thing that all the artists could do for the planet is announce "We will never tour again". (and looking at some of the performers from yesterday I wishe they DID say that.... oh and stop making records too)

Third Problem is the amount energy used by the events themselves. So the big question is will the message override the damage done yesterday? Lets look at some figures:

The average person produces 10 tonnes of carbon per year.
it is estimated that Live Earth produced 74,500 tonnes of carbon emmisions in one day
(this includes all the concert locations, the artists and fans travelling and tv audience) the concerts will also produce 1,025 tonnes of waste (the majority of which will go to landfill sites)

Again will the message be able to compensate for this amount of added waste? I fucking doubt it.

I also want to add from the perspective of a music fan that the performances I did see we're pretty terrible. I wanted to see the Police Reunion set and it was average until the end when they brought out Kanye West and he stunk up the place. Seriously some of the worst rhymes I've ever heard. Watch for yourself he comes in at about 2:20. The look on the girls face at 5:20 says it all (its like she's thinking why did they let this idiot on stage with them?). If Kanye West's Suck factor could be measured in Carbon Emmisions it would surely surpass those of the enitre Live Earth festival mentioned above.

You may think I'm being too hard on Kanye West but if you claim to be the greatest artist ever (as he often does) and you pull shit like this you're going to get called out.

[Stats from Carbonfootprint.com in Daily mail article]

Really Bad Tattoos Part 7

The Celebrity and Product Edition





Companies spend millions and millions of dollars to try and get their logos tattooed on our brains and some people literally get the logos tattooed on their bodies. Unbelievable.

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This tat is much scarier than the movie the Shining.



The year 2077:
Kid: Hey Grandpa whats this tattoo you have?
Old man: Thats Britney Spears.
Kid: Who?
Old man: She was a famous pop singer 70 years ago, but this tattoo is a joke.
Kid: I don't get it?
Old man: Well, there was a week in 2006 when she went crazy... it was in all the newspapers and she SHAVED HER HEAD!! Also one of her hit songs was called "Oops I did it again". So I combined the two.
Kid: Your jokes are stupid..... Whats a newspaper?

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Jesus Loves you but he hates your shitty tattoo.

Check out:
Really Bad Tattoos Part 1
Really Bad Tattoos Part 2
REally Bad Tattoos Part 3
Really Bad Tattoos Part 4
Really Bad Tattoos Part 5
Really Bad Tattoos Part 6
Really Bad Tattoos Part 8

The Price is Right Bob Barker Retires

On Friday June 15th Bob Barker's last episode of The Price is Right aired. At the end of it the only mention he made of this fact was a "thank you for inviting me into your homes for the past 50 years" and of course the standard don't forget to get your pets nuts chopped off.

There has been a lot of talk about Bob Barkers replacement because they plan on keeping the show going. Its hard to imagine anyone else doing it and I think either of these scenarios will occur the show will either continue as it always has no matter who hosts it or a new host will be brought in and the show will crash and burn in a short period of time.

There are things I like and dislike about the show. Well the only thing I really don't like about it is that its essentially an hour long commercial (with commercial breaks). The Good: The fact that they have keep the same 70's era look the entire time is fantastic. Its also great how the contestants are literally average people (who have no idea they are going to be on until they are called) this results in some contestants who are extremely fucked up which of course is great. No other game show has such a "regular" cross section of people. Also you have to love the DIY t-shirt aspect of the show. I would love someone to open a Price is Right T-shirt museum that is filled with literally tens of thousands of handmade and one of a kind shirts.

One thing I always wondered is: How many times has Bob Barker heard the theme song? Well the theme song plays 9 times per episode (the intro, after each 6 contestants games, after showcase showdown number 1 and the closing credits (there is a different song after showdown number 2)). So it turns out Barker hosted 6,731 shows so he has heard the theme song 60,579 times. HOLY SHIT... I bet no that now that he doesn't do the show anymore he is going to crave that song. I don't think he'll be able to complete a 2 minute task without expecting to hear that tune.

One thing that I've always wanted to see on price is someone try and spin the wheel the wrong way. someday...... someday.