Trans Fat

First off I have to say that I knew the dangers of trans fat many years before it was labeled on food or before it became the latest health buzz item, before it was banned in certain cities and before it was vilified as if it was invented by Hitler himself.

I knew the health risks and I knew what to look for on ingredients lists to avoid it. The original study I read lay it all on the line. One thing I remember specifically from the article was the notion that trans fat was so bad that feeding your kids Oreo cookies is as bad as feeding them cigarettes. The other major point I remember is that hydrogenated margarine was packed with the stuff and that it was in fact better to be eating real butter. This was a big piss off because for years we we're told that eating margarine was healthier than eating butter and we all obeyed like the fucking sheep we are even though margarine pretty much tastes like sweat from a rats testie sack. The doctor in the article was quite adamant about the harm of trans fat so I started to keep my eye on ingredient lists.

This is where the problem arises. As I've probably mentioned before I'm a bit of a fan of junk food. Particularly potato chips. I've been a potato chip addict since I was about 6 or 7 years old. I would eat the fuckers all the time (the longest I ever went without them was 1 year when I was 14 and I tried to quit chips.... I finally caved at Halloween when some new flavor came out and I was back in deep again). So before Trans Fat was labeled on food or really in the public consciousness I was able to conveniently ignore the fact that my favorite trash food was packed with it.

Lets flash forward a few years...Now everyone knows how bad trans fat is and it must be labeled on all food products. Companies that want to keep a positive and responsible public image have to remove the stuff completely if they don't want their company to be proverbially burned at the stake ( you may remember that last year when the girl guides came out with their yearly cookie drive and it was discovered that they still had trans fat in them the backlash was immense... I even think an angry mob with pitchforks and flaming torches went around and drove off any little girls trying to sell the vile poison outside local Wal-marts)

You may be thinking well this is good right. Food companies are no longer selling this very harmful stuff. Well in a way yes this is good but in another way this is bad. Why you ask? BECAUSE TRANS FAT TASTES REALLY FUCKING GOOD AND THERE IS REALLY NO SUITABLE SUBSTITUTE (at least not now, and probably not ever). As I mentioned before I've been eating potato chips all my life. In that time I've tried many many varieties. One of my favs was Ruffles Sour cream and onion flavor. After the trans fat was removed the chips went from being absolutely delicious to tasting like a dry chip with a packet of onion soup mix dumped on top of it.... VILE. This was the case with most chip varieties they became a poor version of the original. (the best way I can describe it is if Chips with trans fat we're the original 3 Star Wars movies then Chips without trans fat are the 3 newer Star Wars movies (the prequel crap))

So as I've watched all my favorite chips systematically sanitized for a new healthy generation I didn't worry too much because 1 brand seemed to ignore the trend and was still packed with trans. Humpty Dumpty's Ringolos. This stuff didn't just have a bit of trans fat in it, it had 5 grams per serving (and I think they consider a serving something ridiculous like a 1/4 cup when as far as I'm concerned a serving is the whole fucking bag). Don't get me wrong I don't eat this trash all the time, like I said I know the dangers of trans fat but I still like to eat some good old junk food once in a while. The other day I got just that urge so I grabbed a bag of Ringolos but when I cracked 'em open and ate some something was wrong, something was very fucking wrong. When I checked the nutritional info on the back of the bag my fear was confirmed zero grams of trans fat. A sudden wave of fear rushed over my entire body as I realized that there was a good possibility that I would never have "real" potato chips again. I tried to calm myself down by thinking of happier times. I thought of my fondest Ringolo memory. Eating a bag of the short lived "cheese and onion" flavor ringolos that my Mom had bought for me from the old bus terminal in my hometown when I was about 7 years old... damn I still remember that flavor.

So I'm accepting the fact that I'll probably never have "real" chips again not that its really a bad thing, I have been trying to eat healthier lately. Old habits are hard to break though and when you've been consuming and addictive substance for over 25 years its pretty hard to "get over it" (one of the things about trans fat is its very addictive, thats one of the reasons for the obesity epidemic in North America). Another realization I'm coming to is I think that I've formed a solid "When I was a kid" or "Back in the good old days" type of memory... Its like being someone who remembers when Coca Cola actually had cocaine in it..... but no I'm not going to start secretly snorting trans fat.........I think shooting it up would work better.