My Brother's Cat Hates Me

I live with my brother (well both my brothers actually). The older of the 2 has a cat named "Chairman Meow" (as seen in the picture laughing manically).

Facts about the cat:
-he is male
-he is black with a couple of white spots
-he is about 9 months old
-HE IS A TOTAL FUCKING DICKHEAD (at least to me)

I think I've always been pretty nice to the cat. I feed him when my brother isn't around to do it, when I eat cereal I give him the last little bit of milk in the bowl because he likes that etc. How does he treat me? Well for one, when I walk up or down the stairs he will "bat" at me with his paws from between the bars of the banister (I'm the only one he does that to). When I walk down the hall he will run up behind me and "attack" the backs of my feet. He comes under my desk when I'm trying to work and claws at all the wires. Worst of all though is before he was neutered he would spray his nasty piss/spray stuff (whatever the hell it is) in my room. He did this several times in my room and once inside my backpack which was in the living room. Again he only does this to my stuff.

So I had forgiven the cat assuming that he was probably adjusting to the new place and that this has all happened before he had been fixed and the major issues (the piss issues) seemed to have stopped. or so I thought.....

Last night I get into bed and am lying there for a minute when I notice that my covers are unusually cold. After a second I realize that they are in fact damp, I jump up realizing that it must be cat piss and flip on the light. So not only did the cat piss on my bed (wetting the covers, sheets and mattress). HE SHIT ON MY BED! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I'm not talking a few little pieces here, this was a full on dump, like 5 or 6 turds, probably the biggest a cat can hold)

If it was a dog doing all of this I would have to forgive it for not knowing any better like the slobbering idiots that they are. But cats are smart so I must assume that he is purposely fucking with me because he dislikes me. Well from now on the cat and I are enemies (I feel like a character in some ridiculous Disney movie where they pin an animal against a person with ridiculous slapstick results, that mentally deficient 7 year olds would find funny.... the problem is that if thats the case I'm fucked.. the animal always wins in those movies and I will end up looking like a bumbling idiot) Whatever the case I'm going to go take a crap in the cats litter box and see how he likes it.

Selina Whittaker Photography

I recently designed a website for my friend Selina. You can check it out here: http://www.selinawhittakerphotography.com

Her work is really good. If you live in the Vancouver area and you need a wedding photographer or a photographer for other reasons you should definitely contact her.

Really Bad Tattoos Part 6

Yesterday I read an article about a mechanic who had a car fetish in which he would literally have sex with the cars he worked on. He also had an online community devoted to this fetish and claimed that there were over 500 members. This has nothing to do with the above tattoos I just wanted to mention it

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I love doing laundry and I think I always will. TIME TO GET A TATTOO!!!

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These 3 are so ridiculous that I actually kind of like them. Do you think when the tattoo artist finished the woman tat he took a step back and said to himself "Another job well done". Also when I first saw the "Fuck the World" tattoo I literally laughed out loud.

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Contemporary political statements don't make for the best tattoo choices, I mean George W. will be out of office in less than 2 years now. There are probably people out there with Reagan tats that feel kinda foolish right now.

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Speaking of contemporary... This reminds me of this old man I know who got a tattoo of telegraph machine when they were the hot thing (his tat also has OMFG written in morse code on it).

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bad joke

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Check out:
Really Bad Tattoos Part 1
Really Bad Tattoos Part 2
REally Bad Tattoos Part 3
Really Bad Tattoos Part 4
Really Bad Tattoos Part 5
Really Bad Tattoos Part 7
Really Bad Tattoos Part 8

The Academy vs the Public

Seeing as its oscar season I thought about investigating a certian topic. How often does the academy vote with the general public? Generally the Imdb is a pretty good representation of the general public's movie opinion (well its about the best one we're going to get, at least for this little project)

Below I have included all the times in the past 20 years that the academy picked a best picture that had a lower user rating than another nominee.

2003

Winner:

• Chicago - 7.4

Other Nominees:

· Gangs of New York - 7.2

· Hours, The - 7.6

· Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The - 8.7

· Pianist, The - 8.4

2002

Winner:

• Beautiful Mind, A - 7.8

Other Nominees:

· Gosford Park - 7.2

· In the Bedroom - 7.4

· Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The - 8.7

· Moulin Rouge! - 7.7

The results may be a tad skewed for 2002 and 2003 because we have to assume that there are a fairly large number of LOTR fanboys voting in drones. Personally I never understood why everyone had such a hard on for those movies. They just didn't do it for me. One thing is for damn sure though. The Pianist should have beaten that piece of shit Chicago.

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1999

Winner:

• Shakespeare in Love - 7.4

Other Nominees:

· Elizabeth - 7.6

· Saving Private Ryan - 8.4

· Thin Red Line, The - 7.3

· Vita è bella, La - 8.4

I remember this year vividly and how bizarre it was that Shakespeare in Love won especially over Saving Private Ryan and Life is Beautiful. I guess I'm not alone.

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1998

Winner:

• Titanic - 7.0

Other Nominees:

· As Good as It Gets - 7.7

· Full Monty, The - 7.2

· Good Will Hunting - 7.9

· L.A. Confidential - 8.4

Now here is a really anomalous year. The winner has the lowest rating of all the nominees and it really deserves the lowest. Lets face it Titanic wasn't a great movie it was a fucking fad. Over hyped nonsense. Although I do have to say it was a pretty good story, I mean I totally didn't expect the ship to sink.

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1997

Winner:

• English Patient, The - 7.1

Other Nominees:

· Fargo - 8.2

· Jerry Maguire - 7.2

· Secrets & Lies - 7.8

· Shine - 7.5

The funny thing about this year is that I have absolutely no memory of the movies Secrets & Lies or Shine.

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1995

Winner:

• Forrest Gump - 8.3

Other Nominees:

· Four Weddings and a Funeral - 7.1

· Pulp Fiction - 8.8

· Quiz Show - 7.4

· Shawshank Redemption, The - 9.2

Ok this may go down as the biggest academy fuck up ever. FORREST GUMP BEAT SHAWSHANK??? Shawshank is the imdb's second highest rated movie of all time (right behind the Godfather). Forrest Gump is a movie in which Tom Hanks acted like an idiot. hmmm oh and Gary Sinise was in it too..... WHAT???? can we revoke oscars???? (We'll pick that one up on the way to Halle Berry's house) .

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1992

Winner:

• Silence of the Lambs, The - 8.6

Other Nominees:

· Beauty and the Beast - 7.8

· Bugsy - 6.6

· JFK - 7.9

· Prince of Tides, The - 6.2

Interesting facts this year. Prince of tides is the lowest rated best picture nominee of the past 20 years, while Terminator 2: Judgment day (8.3) is nowhere to be found.

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1991

Winner:

• Dances with Wolves - 7.8

Other Nominees:

· Awakenings - 7.4

· Ghost - 6.8

· Godfather: Part III, The - 7.4

· Goodfellas - 8.7

Its funny that Godfather 3 is regarded as a joke and that Ghost is regarded as one of Patrick Swayze's best movies. But look at the ratings. I actually saw Swayze the other day at some really low budget dive bar. I asked him if he was filming a sequel to "Roadhouse" he said no and then took my drink order.

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1990

• Driving Miss Daisy - 7.4

Other Nominees:

· Born on the Fourth of July - 7.0

· Dead Poets Society - 7.7

· Field of Dreams - 7.6

· My Left Foot - 7.6

So there you have it. Of the last 20 Academy Awards 9 didnt go with the public's popular opinion.

Hypothetical Scenarios

You have to spend 1 hour locked in a room with either:
CUJO






















OR

COJO



















WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?

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Picture this:
a fairly rich man eats a large sized serving of eggs benedict even though he isn't really hungry.

also

a man unjustly fired from his job spends a night throwing eggs at his bosses car.

Do you think the hen who layed all the above mentioned eggs would be more
offended by one of the situations?

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You meet a Genie who offers you as much money as you would like.
THE CATCH: For every $250 the genie will randomly remove 1 word from your vocabulary. You will never be able to learn or understand the lost words again and when you hear them they will just sound like jibberish. You will have to learn to communicate with whatever you have left.

Facts:
1 million dollars: you lose 4,000 words
avg persons vocab: 5 or 6 thousand words

How much money would you take?

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You learn that James Blunt is a psychotic axe murderer













Are you even surprised?

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You meet another genie he gives you two options?
For the rest of your life you can only listen to either:
the genre of music that you most despise
or
your all time favorite album

CATCH:

for the genre you hate you can listen to any bands or artists (within that genre) whenever and however frequently you like but that is it.

for your favorite album you must listen to if on repeat for the rest of your life with no break.

Which do you choose?

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This idea partially inspired by Chuck Klosterman's 23 questions

superbowl

So I didn't really watch the superbowl because I don't really care about sports but I did flip to it during the half time show and catch the performance by prince. Holy Fucking shit it was one of the greatest things I've ever seen on many levels. Let me start by saying that I am not a fan of prince. I don't have anything against him or anything I've just never been into his songs or really understood why he's regarded as being so great. But one thing that is certain is that he is an amazing guitar player (as evidenced by the handful of live clips I've seen of him)

Now I may come off sounding really ignorant here but when I picture the average football fan the last thing I also imagine is a prince fan. The worlds seem diametrically opposed. So when I switched to the half time show and saw prince flamboyantly performing his set I imagined hundreds of thousands of football fans staring in disbelief with their jaws dropped. It was amazingly ridiculous, he kept busting into wank-tastic guitar solos that were about 3 times louder than all the backing music (anyone that knows me knows I'm a fan of searing guitar solos) also it was raining when when he went into purple rain. I'll see if a youtube vid gets posted of the whole thing because it has to be seen to truly understand but until then I'll leave a few pics.

FOOTBALL FANS

PRINCE

New York City in the 1980's

Like many people I'm a fan of found items. The other day I was at a thrift store and I found a photo album that still had some pics in it. They all come from New York City in what appears to be the 80's. Here are a few of them.

Craigslist finds

So everyone is familiar with Craigslist, its the internet's largest online classifieds and it really has everything. Recently I started browsing the "Strictly Platonic" sub-section of the Personals. I browsed the latest listings of all the major cities in the USA and Canada and I discovered some interesting facts:

• There are a surprising amount of people looking for complete strangers to get high with and go watch the movie "Pan's Labyrinth" (I'd never heard of it until now but its getting a really good rating on the imdb.
• There are a hell of a lot of Women looking for gay men as friends and many of them talk about having a gay friend as if they were some sort of a pet or accessory. (I think we can thank Will and Grace for this kind of shit.)

The following is an unedited collection of other random stuff I found in the "Strictly Platonic" section.

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infomation guzzler - m4w - 29

I NEED WOMEN WITH THE SMART TO ASSIST ME IN THE ART MAKING CASH FAST.DO WHAT EVE IT TAKES WITH THE EXCEPTION OF DESTROYING OTHER

The guy included a pic of himself. Two words: Big Pimp

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looking for help from friend - 20

apt fot fired and i wanted to trade for tab
it got fired good
you be : similar, observant, safe

**yay friends**
green is the magic
for the rainbow

for the most part those are English words but none of this post made any sense to me at all. It looks as if it was created by a random sentence generator.

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those shoes are mine betch!

if you enjoy miller high life, gold lame, and area rugs with animals on them, we should hang out.

your myspace gets mine.

Come on, who doesn't like rugs with animals on them?

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anyone have info on boob jobs? eg, price, good surgeons, etc

also curious as to if there's any way insurance would cover some of it or if some doctors do pro-bono work for anything that isn't disfiguring. i have body dysmorphic disorder.

If you have body dysmorphic disorder like Jenny (from the "Why I hate plastic surgery article") and you know and admit you have it wouldn't it be better to be posting looking for help rather than surgery (I know I'm being glib, I'll stop now)

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Act Like A Dog - m4w - 28

I'm looking for a woman to get on all fours in public and act like a dog. I will put a leash on you, and you will walk, sit, stay, roll over at my command. When strangers pass by, you will leap onto their legs and pant with your tongue out. When you are disappointed, you will make that cute little sound dogs make when they are told go. Please make sure that you are attractive. Serious responses only!

Serious responses only ladies.

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Friend Handy With A Sponge - m4w - 20

Hi, I need a friend who's handy with a sponge. I've been having medical problems on and off for the past couple years. You see, sometimes, I wet myself, sometimes I puke myself, and sometimes I just juice all over the floor. I need someone who's willing to be my friend and help me mop up after some of my episodes. I promise lots of good times. You: bring rubber gloves (if thats how you roll), and bring some plastic bags (we can try to trap my juices before they become a mess). I: will give you a dry place to sleep, and endless fun as we try to anticipate my next fruity explosion

Really?? Who the hell would respond to this??

The Tiling of a nation

So recently I did some re-tiling here (the bathroom and the kitchen) and seeing as I wanted the highest possible quality product I went off to the dollar store to buy some vinyl tiles. The tiles were 3 for $1 and with any product with such a steep price tag they come with a 1 year warranty. Now the funny thing is according to the packaging the tiles must be installed in a very specific and precise method for the warranty to be valid.... The funny part? The packaging is fraught with so many spelling and grammar mistakes that I don't think it would be hard to make a case for any installation job.

I scanned the instructions and have included a few of the best parts (with mistakes highlighted). I know I'm probably the last guy who should be pointing out spelling and grammar errors (as evidenced by this site) but these are too good to leave alone.


- ok fair enough, that may be an honest mistake.


- I fried all the paint on the cement before installing the tiles but for some reason they didn't seem to stick.


- I gather that "must be clean" is an important point. Its a good thing the kitchen and the
bathroom don't have any varmish on them cause the living room is infested.


-Are dust dirts the byproduct of dust?


Who is this MAN-UG-ACTURER?


-My favorite line in the whole thing "Stilet to heals". That's fucking gold


-Well seeing as that sentence makes no sense to me I choose to disregard it.

Anyway for reasons beyond my comprehension some of these high quality tiles have begun to crack after about 1 month. I explicitly followed the instructions when installing them so I don't know what the problem is. It must be a manufacturer defect. So I'm going to write a letter to the company as follows:

Dear Capri Tile
I recently purchased 30 tiles for my bathroom and after just 1 month they have become defective. I am very upset. When someone spends $0.33 on a tile there is a reasonable expectation of quality. I feel that I should be compensated for my out of pocket expenses and distress from this whole tiling ordeal. I am asking for $11.27 to replace my 30 tiles (total with tax) and $50,000 in pain and suffering. As you can understand I will not ship the defective tiles back as that would be further undue expense to me. Please remit a cheque in the amount of $50, 011.27 ASAP to resolve this issue.
Thank you.

Ultra rare Velvet Underground and Nico LP un-earthed

This is the kind of story I love. In Sept 2002 a guy from Montreal named Warren Hill was at a Chelsea, New York Street sale where he picked up a couple records: a Leadbelly 10", a Modern Lovers LP and a record marked "Velvet Underground. 4-25-66. Att N. Dolph". He paid 75 cents for each album.

So after doing a bit of research it turns out that the record is extremely rare. It was created with a record cutter in the scepter studios where VU record their first record in 1966. It turns out this is a copy that Andy Warhol used to shop around record labels looking for a deal, also this is how he intended to record to be released.

The record has completely different versions and mixes of 9 of the songs that would appear on "The Velvet Underground & Nico". This is pretty amazing, VU are definitely one of the most important and influential rock bands of all time.


The record is on ebay so if you have more than $110,000 lying around you can grab it.